Observations by Key Monroe~~Home of Right Opinions, Cynical Viewpoints, and TMI in Hefty Doses
|E-mail: keymonroe [at] alltel [dot] net

August 17, 2006

Free Will Conspiracy Theory

Not to be confused with Freedom. No, I am nostalgic over the ever-elusive free will.

I have ranted and ranted about how much better charity would be if more privatized, a free will decision. I'm guessing - cuz it would take three years to research it - that maybe a dime of the tax dollar actually trickles down to an abused woman living on welfare with three kids... So why not let the taxpayer give half the amount directly to a battered woman's shelter or [insert your cause here], so that she can have five times as much, and yes, in my fairy tale, we even get a tax credit for our efforts. Everyone is for the better, less the pink-slipped middle-men. The tax credit is a beautiful thing, as is the efficiency, and being in control of my own income would surely leave a little less Uncle Sam resentment in the back of my throat come April 15.

But no...encroachment upon free will is alive, and it is spreading like flesh-eating bacteria upon the face of our land!

Many of us jest about the disparity between the mandated and free will tip. Yet it is quite real. When I dine at a table of six, for instance, a 15% gratuity is added in, without my consent, and I leave it as such. Yet when I dine at a table of three, I typically leave a 20-25% tip, of my own accord. See? I'm dropping more dough, but I'm feeling good about it, see, because I decided how much of my money I wanted to share, based on my personal appreciation of service. Free will is beautiful thing.

Enforced sharing, however, has penetrated our society! It is pandemic! You must! Not an option! You have. They don't. Share! I'll make you!

I have proof.

Remember the Ice Breaker mint? Of course you do. It was the free will mint. To share (large opening on one side) or not to share (small opening other side).

I liked. Yeah well. Now look at it!

mints.jpg

What? Where is my "not to share" option? Wtf? It is a conspiracy, I tell ya. They're just seeing if we'll quietly and passively accept the socialist mentality, and this is the test product! Not me, man. I've tasted my last wintergreen mint.

posted by Key on 12:02 PM | Comments (193) | TrackBack (0)
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