June 29, 2004
Not Easily Stimulated These Days
Due to time constraint issues, restlessness issues and other Key issues, I've been in my own world lately.
I haven't had time to visit all of the bloggers in my neighborhood, and I haven't had a chance to put into written word all the many things that pop into my head on a daily basis. ...And like a dieter refusing to be discouraged by stepping on the scales, I refuse to look at my numbers. No, don't tell me! I don't want to know.
I am going to self-medicate. I have written myself a prescription for six days at the beach.
If any of you would like to stimulate my blog in my absence, let me know and I'll get the keys to you.
Show Comments »
beach? what beach? where, when??
i'll be in destin 7/11 - 7/16 with a built-in babysitter...any overlap of time or place? i know y'all love seagrove...if you're going there i'd be just 20 mins away. with lots of tiki bars in between!!
i would LOOOVE to have a girls' beach day with you. woot!
posted by
kelley on June 29, 2004 09:38 PM
Stimulate your blog? What if I'd rather stimulate something else????
posted by
Jack on June 29, 2004 09:39 PM
Seagrove it is, Kelley. But actually, I was planning on coming back the 6th.
Of course, we could always FORCE our trips to overlap...you show up on the 6th and I'll stay til the 11th! Oh yeah...that sounds like a plan. :-D
Jack, on the advice of counsel, I decline to answer... ; )
posted by
Key on June 29, 2004 10:57 PM
I'll mind your house while you're away... if you let me wear your dainty underwear the way I did last time. (on my HEAD!)
posted by
Acidman on June 30, 2004 01:41 AM
Rob, those must have been Munuvian underwear...next time you stagger through town, make sure you choose the right door! ; )
posted by
Key on June 30, 2004 02:31 AM
Don't look at your numbers from Sitemeter... it's really messed up the last few days... it had me for 7 visitors per day over the last week... my cPanel says 328...
posted by
Madfish Willie on June 30, 2004 02:44 AM
Oh lordy, you really aren't going to give acidman the keys again, are you?? He went through all your dresser drawers the last time and, well, it was just indecent the things he did!! Made me blush,,,
posted by
Michele on June 30, 2004 02:59 AM
Key - Have a good trip.
posted by
Sam on June 30, 2004 03:25 PM
Clancy and O'Malley want to come too
http://www.alternatevoice.com/blog_archives/images/teamwork.jpg
posted by
Jesse on June 30, 2004 03:48 PM
Dear Key:
What the Hell -- I've been thinking about blogging again - if you trust me with the 'keys'; I promise to play nice.... Who knows? Maybe I'll start another one....
Best,
-Will
posted by
Will on July 2, 2004 05:06 AM
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»
fat teen links with:
fat teen
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plumperworld links with:
plumperworld
June 28, 2004
I'll take "digestive disorders" for $500, Alex
Alex: A malady of the small intestine, this ailment results in the backing up of fecal matter into the stomach, forcing an excessive and frequent evacuation of watery feces into the esophagus, essentially causing the sufferer to "throw up shit."
ding, ding, ding!
Alex: Yes, Key...
Key: What is Algorarrhea?
Alex: Correct! Make your next selection.
Key: I'll take digestive disorders for $400, Alex.
Alex: This child star has spent her life being viewed as half of whole, having paved the way to fame with the aid of her twin sister. While adopting a darker hairstyle did little to set her apart, being diagnosed with an eating disorder known as anorexia nervosa seems to be doing the trick.
Key: Who is Mary Kate Olsen?
Alex: Correct, Key! You seem to be on a roll. Care to try your luck in Double Jeopardy?
Key: Not tonight Alex! I have a headache. Until tomorrow...
Show Comments »
Digestive Disorders for $300:
Question: "What do you call 350 pounds of shit in a pair of 55-inch waist blue jeans?"
Answer: Michael Moore
posted by
Acidman on June 29, 2004 01:14 AM
Oh, yes...Something about that fat bastard was going to be next, had I not been in such a hurry last night!
Thanks, Rob. ; )
posted by
Key on June 29, 2004 03:12 PM
I thought he was 400 lbs of shit and no brains ;)
posted by
Desert Raspberry on June 30, 2004 10:31 PM
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June 25, 2004
Spoiled by Power
So I've been reading this futuristic novel about a people who are entirely dependent upon the web as their power source, for their survival really. Without it, they are set back thousands of years to a medieval style existence.
And of course it's fiction, but still I think, surely it couldn't be that crippling.
And then...the storms rolled into town on Wednesday.
It looked a little ominous after work, but so what...I needed groceries. I got them, loaded them up (along with the kids), and headed home.
I then called my husband on the cell phone (yes Rob, while I was driving) to see when he was planning on coming home. (In case you guys wonder why we call you after we go to the grocery store, I will shed the light on this issue: WE ALREADY WENT GROCERY SHOPPING WITH KIDS. WE ENDURED NAGGING ABOUT WANTING BUBBLE GUM AND MARSHMELLOWS. WE HANDLED A ROLL-AWAY CART WHILE LOADING GROCERIES INTO THE CAR. THE LAST THING WE WANT IS TO HAVE TO CARRY IT ALL UP THE STAIRS AND INTO THE HOUSE WHEN WE GET HOME! Which I had to do anyway...but I digress...)
I was immediately excoriated by my husband for driving in the weather. "It's been rainy and windy all week. What's the big deal?" I ask. (I figured he was just thinking up an excuse to avoid coming home...)
He ordered me to get off the phone and concentrate on getting home. Okay fine. Whatever.
No problem. I get home and lo and behold, it must have stormed pretty badly there...BECAUSE I HAVE NO FRIGGIN POWER AND A CAR LOAD OF GROCERIES AND HUNGRY KIDS!
I had planned on serving up leftovers, as I had made an abundance of chicken with wine sauce and homemade garlic creamed potatoes the night before. Not happening. Instead, I stood guard in front of the refrigerator and freezer refusing entry for fear the power would be out long enough to ruin hundreds of dollars worth of food.
When I was a kid, I would have translated such an evening into fun and adventure, listening to angered thunder and getting to wander around with my very own candle.
Alas, the burden of responsibility takes all the fun out of everything... I lit candles, sent the kids on a working flashlight hunt, and loaded coolers with the perishables I had just bought from the grocery store.
I found some soup with a pop-top and stared at it...and then the grave reality of the situation hit me...MY GAWD, I HAVE NO MICROWAVE!
After feeding the kids a hearty meal of pb+j, chips, and fresh fruit, I tucked them in, reading a story by flashlight.
I then picked up my book and continued my own reading by flashlight, at that point wondering if the author had been inspired by the Y2K scare.
It was around ten when the household once again came to life with power.
And the biggest battle of the evening had been convincing my husband that it wasn't worth letting all of the cold air out of the refrigerator just so he could have a beer.
(Don't feel too sorry for him; we do have a wet bar, so he wasn't completely without drink...)
Show Comments »
At least it wasn't 20 degrees out. I hate it when that happens, but opening the fridge isn't a problem.
posted by
Sam on June 25, 2004 06:10 PM
And what's even WORSE than no microwave?? NO INTERNET!!! Good thing you guarded the fridge; I usually have to duct tape at least three wraps around the handles when the power goes out here just to keep the ice cream solid!
posted by
Michele on June 25, 2004 10:58 PM
See, here's the really sad thing: I can't get on-line at home anyway. ...so shameful for a blogger, I know, but I'm still not connected. :-P
(That is why you don't hear a lot out of me on the weekends. ...unless of course I'm stuck working on the weekends.)
posted by
Key on June 25, 2004 11:35 PM
Err... Just do us all a favor and warn us in advance if you start on the first series by the same author, OK? :-)
Regards,
Ric
[Yes, I know, it was just a power outage, but I don't even want to have to deal with a minor approximation of man-eating yellow centaurs, OK?]
posted by
Ric Locke on June 26, 2004 05:05 AM
*grin*
I'll have to keep that in mind.
Actually, this is not typical reading for me. John is a friend, and he was kind enough to give me a copy of his book. I figured that if I read it, maybe a percentage of his sci-fi/military tangents (to otherwise normal conversations) would begin making some sense. ; )
(So, other than man-eating centaurs, how was the first series?)
posted by
Key on June 26, 2004 09:25 PM
The first series was very good! For further understanding of some references in both, go to sluggy.com, and start at the beginning. It'll make a sentient AI that looks like a rabbit make more sense.
posted by
Mark on July 4, 2004 04:36 PM
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June 24, 2004
FUXSHITWHORDAM!
Bad Day.
Closing fell through.
That really sucks when I AM THE SELLER!!
May I have a margarita now? (please.)
Update: If anyone wants a small, renovated farmhouse on a couple of acres in Commerce, GA for what I owe on the stupid thing, let me know. ($20K under appraisal.)
Show Comments »
Have a double... but use this recipe!
posted by
Madfish Willie on June 24, 2004 11:19 PM
That sounds wonderful, Willie. Can you just email me one? ...the drink, not the recipe. ; )
posted by
Key on June 24, 2004 11:57 PM
Bummer. You may use my FARTHELLCOCKPISSDAMN oath if it makes you feel better. Just rinse it off before you return it.
posted by
Velociman on June 25, 2004 12:04 AM
I have to rinse it?
Why? My tongue is clean. (It's my evil fingers that typed that title!)
posted by
Key on June 25, 2004 12:12 AM
That sucks, I'm sorry. :(
Your cursage is close to mine; I use fuckshithelldamn.
posted by
pam on June 25, 2004 01:27 AM
Poor baby. Just come here and put your head in my lap and I'll commisserate with you during your time of grief.
Yeah, I KNOW that I'm not wearing any pants. I commisserate better that way.
posted by
Acidman on June 25, 2004 02:00 AM
Dear Key:
I'm in the throes of EXACTLY THE SAME THING. I restored my home after a housefire four years ago; it doesn't matter that it's NEW, according to the county - he's still freaking out and wants EVERY PIECE OF PAPER EVER DONE on the issue, plus warranties of every stripe and manner.
If he backs out, I'm taking the sign off the front lawn and telling my redneck neighbor that he may kill trees on his own property to park his tin-box-on-wheels, but he'll NEVER kill my spirit.
So there.
Best,
-Will
posted by
Will on June 25, 2004 02:26 AM
On the other hand, my house here in Palo Alto, [that I paid $36,000 for] would sell for $750,000 as is, or $800,000 if it burned to the ground. Of course, they pay that to live next to me and if I sold they wouldn't, but go figure.
posted by
Walter E. Wallis on June 25, 2004 03:59 AM
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Gut Rumbles links with:
southern woman
June 23, 2004
New and Improved
You left me with abandonment issues. Shattered. Without closure. And now you think you can just walk back into my life??
Welcome back Chelle and Bro.
I had faith. I never took either of you off the ol' blogroll. (Okay, it could be that I never got around to updating it, but let's not split hairs.)
So! Monday I click the Bejus button for the hell of it, and he's there! But his comments didn't work yet, so I couldn't say hi. (They are working now. )
And then! And then! Tuesday I am linked by the elusive lady with the wild heart. And I held my breath as I clicked. Yes! She's back! Two for two.
What he said. (Great to have you back! Now, for your next trick, show me "Stay!")
Show Comments »
Heh. Thanks muchly and yes I can "stay."
posted by
Chelle on June 24, 2004 12:52 AM
Hey, sis...thanks mucho for the welcome back, and I'll pass along your request to teach this old dog a new trick to the Mrs...she's good that way ;-)
Your blog is rocking! Good lord, was it only last October you were so secretive about your Blogspot digs?
Bejus is pining for you, as usual...but he's somewhat leery of declaring his undying love - ever since Rob started playing traveling man, I think poor old Bejus is worried he might decide to stop by the fort one night.
Jim's a piece of work, isn't he? I think he's shamed me into sticking around for awhile ;-)
- D
posted by
Donnie on June 24, 2004 03:13 AM
Aaaaw, thanks Bro. ...so good to hear from you both.
posted by
Key on June 24, 2004 10:34 PM
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posted by
shan on August 22, 2008 01:00 AM
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June 22, 2004
Clinton's Life
Obviously I haven't had a chance to read it, but my guess is that it isn't so much that he led a boring life, so much as he's just a shitty writer.
A good writer can make almost anything sound interesting.
Take the review for example. THAT was a good read, but you don't need to read the whole thing (as it does get repetitive). I like the paragraphs Geoffrey selected just fine.
I briefly considered picking up a copy of My Life, just because I (like many others) am curious about what the old chap has to say regarding the Lewinsky affair.
It had to be more than fun and games with a cigar if the poor girl thought she was in love!
...So then I hear from this Time news interviewer that he doesn't even mention Lewinsky until page 773.
Even better. I no longer have to buy a copy. I will walk into Barnes & Noble, pick up a copy, turn to page 773, read five pages, put it down, walk out.
My guess is that he buried the "juicy" with "justification," but I'll report again once I know for sure.
Show Comments »
He's a shitty person too, Key.
posted by
john on June 22, 2004 09:46 PM
Haven't gotten around to it yet. Anyone else read page 773?
posted by
Key on June 24, 2004 10:35 PM
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Disgusting
Thank you MSN for that lovely image.
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June 21, 2004
Happy Anniversary to Me
It was eleven years on Saturday.
At this point, I think we've mutually, silently agreed that less is more on the big day. (Less stress.) It's basically a good excuse to get a sitter, have a quiet dinner, and browse for a while in Barnes & Noble.
I think everyone has their own ideal when it comes to love and marriage, thus we all suffer ups and downs and everything in between.
Have you ever noticed that shopping for greeting cards is especially difficult when stuck in a "down" period? At times, I've spent over an hour trying to find something/anything intended for a spouse that wasn't a complete lie. Perhaps this particular store was out of the cards that read, "You may be Sleepy, Grumpy, Sneezy, Dopey, Mopey and Bitchy, but if you're not Happy on your birthday, I'll be out with my friends."
Fortunately, this is not my current plight, but it's a great idea for a greeting card biz, don't ya think? I'll call it Vitriolic Expressions...
Anyway, at some point during the greeting card madness, I found a card that helped me understand my own original ideal and approach, which is sometimes forgotten over time without some sort of reminder. I purchased the card, but never signed it...just kept it. (It's my reminder.)
Mutual Love
I have heard that you should
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
And I see the wisdom in that now more than ever.
The more I see and hear of couples who are truly
dissatisfied with their relationship,
the more I am determined to remember that in most cases
their misery is a direct reflection
of the kind of love they give.
And I want to be respected
so I will be respectful
I need support
so I will be supportive
I want encouragement
so I will be encouraging
I want consideration
so I will be considerate
I want to be understood
so I will be understanding
I must have loyalty
so I will be loyal
I need to feel trusted
so I will be trusting
I long for your attention
so I will be attentive
I want to feel cared for
so I will be caring
I need to be reassured
so I will be reassuring
I want tenderness
so I will be tender
I want affection
so I will be affectionate
I want romance
so I will be romantic
I want to be loved
so I will be loving
Deep within me, I know that's
the way it should be, and so all that
I long for, you will find in me.
...so simple, so difficult. But there you have it...my sincere moment du jour.
(BTW, the card company is actually named "Wistful Expressions." I found that interesting.)
Show Comments »
I like this card:
If you need me, I'll be with my boyfriend.
It pretty much says everything I want to express.
posted by
Anna on June 21, 2004 08:51 PM
..congrats, Key... 11 years.. wow...
posted by
Eric on June 21, 2004 10:15 PM
Congrats! That's a wonderful achievement!
posted by
Lawren on June 21, 2004 10:22 PM
Beautiful words and very true! I know what you mean about trying to find just the right card; I can spend days (well, not literally) looking; you seem to have found one I would have picked!
posted by
Michele on June 22, 2004 10:01 AM
Congrats...you've got me by 5 months...
posted by
Sam on June 22, 2004 12:57 PM
Congratulations! Hubby and I made it to 11 years on June 1st...! :)
posted by
pam on June 22, 2004 05:29 PM
I just puked on my keyboard.
posted by
Acidman on June 23, 2004 01:53 AM
Otherwise known as the Golden Rule...
Happy Anniversary. I turned 55 on the 20th. I'm just happy to have a good woman, 2 fine dogs and be on the top side of the grass.
posted by
Jesse on June 23, 2004 08:38 PM
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wild-heart.net links with:
What's going on out there?
June 18, 2004
If you're gonna cheat, make sure it's worth it
If you're heart isn't in it, you'll have regrets.
I suggest peanut butter M&Ms.
Look, I'm tough. Snickers doesn't even tempt me, but this...this is special. I'm hooked.
My heart is in it.
No regrets.
Show Comments »
This post is... mysterious. You must give us more. ;)
posted by
pam on June 18, 2004 07:24 PM
...are you saying it's all about the chocolate for you? Or that you're a peanut butter woman? Expand! Proclaim! Don't be afraid to state your real intentions! LOL!
posted by
pam on June 18, 2004 07:25 PM
Woman, have you HAD these things? Just go get a bag and then get back to me, 'kay?
(Aren't I the worst kind of addict? ...luring others in and all??)
posted by
Key on June 18, 2004 08:47 PM
..you can keep them, Key.. when they come out with the macaroni & cheese flavor, let me know....
posted by
Eric on June 19, 2004 09:49 PM
ALMOND M&Ms are the only way to go!
posted by
wesley J. on June 20, 2004 09:54 PM
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I've been wondering the same thing...
So I'm glad Jim asked.
Here's my problem: I break things.
I bought a 35mm for $300 a couple of years ago.
I dropped it, then paid another $200 to have it fixed...which was stupid, but I didn't know it would be that much until I got the bill.
Then it started eating film, and the flash started smoking. (I didn't care. I continued to use it until it coughed, sputtered and died.)
Here's my point: given my track record, I'd rather not drop $500 on a digital.
Is there something decent out there for a little less?
Show Comments »
nikon coolpix 2200 - costs about $150, and is a great little camera. survives falls well, as i can attest!
posted by
kelley on June 18, 2004 08:02 PM
I should have known you'd have an answer for me. Thank you.
posted by
Key on June 18, 2004 08:49 PM
Key - Check out the Olympus 750. It's a little pricier than the aforementioned Nikon, (around $350) but it's great camera. I've had the earlier Olympus 2000 for about two years and I'm planning on upgrading. (More megapixels). Enjoy. Best, Terry
posted by
Terry Reynolds on June 19, 2004 04:15 PM
Hi, I Break Things! I'm Doesn't Read Instructions! Nice to meet you! :-)
posted by
Anna on June 21, 2004 08:54 PM
Anna, wouldn't we make a great team for any sort of project... ; )
Thanks for the ideas guys...now the research. :-P
posted by
Key on June 22, 2004 03:24 PM
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June 17, 2004
Girls! Girls! Girls!
...ALL over my house!
My sister-in-law is on vacation. I have her girls, ages 10, 9 and 2. Combined with an eight-year-old Miss Priss and the four-year-old new addition, I have quite a houseful until Sunday.
My blogging will probably suck until then, but I'll do the best that I can.
In other news, I need a vacation.
If anyone would like to loan me their beach condo, I'll be your best friend forever.
...and I'm willing to solidify the deal with a pinky promise.
Show Comments »
*L* okay, pinky promise if i HAD a beach condo, you could use it! does sound like you have your hands full, for sure! could be worse,,,it could be the dead of winter and they couldn't go outside to play because a blizzard was blowing and the electricity was off so they wouldn't be able to watch TV or you couldn't blog/surf at all! try to have a nice weekend! *S*
posted by
Michele on June 17, 2004 08:48 PM
...pinky promise?... Sistah, that could be taken a weeeee bit the wrong way.... not, of course, by ME... but, I'm just sayin....
posted by
Eric on June 18, 2004 12:42 AM
Your a day late, I just let my two brothers and their new girl friends use mine for the next two weeks. Will probably take a month to clean up.
posted by
James Old Guy on June 18, 2004 12:10 PM
Any over 18?
posted by
Geoffrey on June 18, 2004 02:01 PM
Geoffrey - They are 2, 8, 9, and 10. They will all be knock-outs, though.
Eric - *hanging head in shame* Color me naive; I fear I don't get it.
James - If it's a gulf front unit, I'd clean up after them, just to have the excuse to go! (Actually, as soon as I think we can get away, I'm going to book something.)
posted by
Key on June 18, 2004 06:19 PM
Wanna go to Costa Rica?
posted by
Acidman on June 20, 2004 01:31 PM
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June 16, 2004
About that Fat Sac
I'm getting so many google visitors from that one time I referenced Kelley's fat sac. (cul-de-sac that is...)
Everybody lookin' for a fat sac. People, let Key offer you some advice: DON'T BUY YOUR SAC ON THE INTERNET! Jeez. You're making it too easy for them. They don't even have to arrange a buy anymore. All they have to do is troll the internet.
Alas, I reside here in the realm of responsibility, the college days are ancient history, and you'll find no fat sacs here.
Having said that, I must admit, this an utter waste of fatsac.com.
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June 15, 2004
Better Late than Never
I've been meaning to say something in response to the flattery that I received from my buddy Sam.
He's such a loyal cyber sweetheart.
His recent post on Honor and Respect is well worth the two minute read. (And I'm not just saying that because I'm quoted there...)
Nobody ran with it in your comment block Sam, but being a gutter brain myself, I tend to attract the same, so allow me to clarify... When Sam calls me his back door girl, I'm pretty sure he means that we've reached the level of friendship deeming me worthy of entering his home by way of the back door.
Right Sam?!
Show Comments »
Most anyone can enter through the front door, but you have to be special to come in through the back one. The back door is reserved. The back door is for friends. The back door is guarded. The keys to the front and back doors are different.
Key, you have the key to the back...come on in anytime, and make yourself at home.
"Back Door Girl" is a compliment to you.
Get my drift?
Thanks sweetie...Sam
posted by
Sam on June 16, 2004 12:54 AM
Aaaaaaw...such a hunny. You're so welcome. (I'm sure we're giving people cavities.)
posted by
Key on June 16, 2004 01:10 AM
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Outdone
I can admit it. He said it a little more eloquently.
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June 14, 2004
I Feel ALL Warm and Fuzzy Inside
Seriously. The cynic in me is not dead, but it was nice to hear a couple of men from opposing parties dredge up something nice to say about one another.
It was sappy almost.
I haven't been around the block today, but I'm sure other bloggers have called them everything from smarmy-heads to butt-munchers.
But, I have forced myself to say something nice, making my own little miniscule effort to diffuse party tension, which has gotten ridiculous from every angle.
I won't be making any promises for the future, but at least in this post, I'm obeying the "If you can't say anything nice..." rule.
...which is why I neglected to mention a certain former lady First Lady.
Show Comments »
Key, thank you...
posted by
Jack on June 14, 2004 09:38 PM
Well Jack...
I have had trouble getting Lewinsky out out of my head when I look at Clinton. I've realized though, that I'm actually more disgusted with him for getting caught!
I don't want the position disgraced any more than I want to know where his cigars have been.
He's suffered because of this. And I reluctantly admit...grown.
This morning Clinton said essentially that people should stop debating whether the politicians are good or bad, and start debating whether their ideas are right or wrong for the country.
I appreciated that. I was surprised by the level of sincerity and, - again reluctantly - I was impressed.
(No worries. I'll still be quite busy as I slice and dice those WRONG ideas!)
posted by
Key on June 14, 2004 10:28 PM
Dear Key:
I might be banned for this - -but here goes:
We have to hold our leaders to a higher standard of conduct. Getting caught is not the issue.
If we don't, then morally it won't matter if we put a Clinton; a Reagan; a Hitler; or an Enron executive in the White House.
Our adherance to standard is what's differentiated us from every other country -- regardless of whether they're the tin-pot European and Asian dictatorships of sixty years ago, or the current crop of African 'regimes'.
Standards, Key! Standards!
Best,
-Will
posted by
Will on June 15, 2004 12:32 AM
Will: Yes, standards are important. However, one must look at the exact nature of the "offense" in question. Which is worse, boffing an intern in the Oval Office, or circumventing the checks and balances in the Constitution by funding rebels in Nicaragua against the express wishes of Congress by selling arms to Iran, a nation that was (and still is) our enemy?
For me, the answer is obvious, and the answer has nothing to do with the sex life of the holder of the office of President.
As you said, Will, it is about standards, but it is also about what is *truly* important, not what is used to get political gain at the moment.
posted by
Jack on June 15, 2004 05:43 AM
Yes, we must hold our leaders to standards, but let's pick standards that matter. What about Jefferson, for example. Can we say he wasn't a good president because he had children with a slave? What about Kennedy and his women? Can we not agree he was a decent president? Now we have a 'Christian' president, and look where we are,,,
posted by
Michele on June 15, 2004 10:02 AM
Will,
Ban someone for interacting? Never. Educated debate is the goal.
I actually agree with you about standards, but ya gotta be real...as Michele pointed out - he is simply the first to be caught in office...in this day and age...with his pants down.
I'm still disgusted, and what I mentioned above was not a decided opinion so much as it was a realization/confession of what bothers me the most. Two things 1) Is 8 years such a gawdawful long time to go without having an affair?? 2) If he WAS going to have one, did it ever occur to him to be a little less sloppy?
I'm the first to crack the whip, but I have to admit that we don't make it easy on our Presidents from either side.
We want them to be almost perfect, just shy of robotic behavior with no gut reactions, when it comes to foreign affairs....
Yet if they maintain that disposition on social issues, they are criticized for lacking compassion.
Now, just because I'm willing to make this observation doesn't mean that I like it.
On a very personally level, I'd like to see MY ideal government come to pass, and if I had the power to make it happen, I'm sure there would be no moderates left by the time I was finished.
I'd be either loved or hated.
posted by
Key on June 15, 2004 04:12 PM
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posted by Key on
09:12 PM
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Random Fate links with:
Leading by example
June 11, 2004
Blog Neglect
It comes with the weekend...
Often, I come into the office to get a little work done on the weekends, at which time I can usually come up with something to blog about.
However, I have a house full this weekend. In addition to Miss Priss and the new recruit, I will be watching a toddler for a foster parent who hasn't had a break in four months.
I figure it won't be too terrible. I've gone without sleep before, and the foster parent picnic will take up most of the day tomorrow. I'll give them a hot dog, deposit them on the play ground, and dodge the association officers who are likely agitated with me for declining the position of Foster Parent Association President...no sweat.
If someone would like to fill the space that I'll be vacating tomorrow, feel free. (Rob, if you go into my house, try not to get lost again; I'm the third door down!)
Show Comments »
posted by Key on
10:05 PM
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Comments (1)
Creepy
Last night I dreamt of a big, ugly spider.
The hairy, beady-eyed monster was crawling all over me. Despite my attempts to shake him or squash him, he held on.
Finally, I gave my arm a good fling. I then inspected my arm.
No spider. Not on my arm, not on the ground, not anywhere else.
Where the hell did he go?!
Disappearance won't do. I want to know where the eight-legged beast has gone. I want to collect a dead body, so that I may give it a swirling burial within a porcelain tomb.
Alas, no such luck. The dream ended. I overslept.
After my munchkins were fed and dressed, I retreated to my room and tugged my hair out of its ponytail.
That's when I found it.
Behind my right ear, I have the biggest, ugliest spider bite that I've ever had. It's red, raised and tender, and about the size of a quarter.
The bite isn't what bothers me...It's the thought of that ugly little beast having been perched upon my head as I slept.
I may take the sofa tonight.
Show Comments »
eeeeeeeemmmmphh... [/stifled scream]
posted by
pam on June 11, 2004 08:34 PM
Holy God, that is awful...
posted by
Lawren on June 11, 2004 08:47 PM
You can ALWAYS come sleep with me. If you don't mind ants, crickets, mosquitoes, deer flies, house flies and ME, that is.
posted by
Acidman on June 11, 2004 09:28 PM
The hairy, beady-eyed monster was crawling all over me. Despite my attempts to shake him or squash him, he held on.
Key, are you sure you weren't dreaming of a night with Rob? *heh*
Jim
Sloop New Dawn
Galveston, TX
posted by
Jim on June 11, 2004 09:34 PM
LOL Jim!!!!!
posted by
Key on June 11, 2004 09:43 PM
...thanks anyway for the offer, darlin. The Acid-bath is as much acidic stimulation as I think I can handle for the moment. ; )
posted by
Key on June 11, 2004 09:48 PM
Ouch. :(
Once last year I rolled over in the middle of the night onto a WASP that had somehow crawled into bed. That kept me up for hours.
posted by
Michael on June 12, 2004 01:22 AM
The wife and I drove to Florida two weeks ago. We stopped in SC somewhere at a rest stop and let the pups out to run and poop a little in one of those grassy areas. While she was standing there she felt a bite and looked down to see her feet covered in red ants.
2 weeks later and her big toe is still swollen where the critter bit her. Any of you deep southerners know the remedy for this? Is she going to die?
posted by
Jesse on June 14, 2004 03:16 PM
Jesse,
If you're trying to off her, I think you might as well go to plan B. ; )
If the allergy was strong enough to kill her, she wouldn't have lasted through the night.
But those are nasty little boogers, and I'm sure several got her. Give it another week.
posted by
Key on June 14, 2004 06:30 PM
Heh, Key I was hoping that when she was gone, you and me....
posted by
Jesse on June 14, 2004 07:17 PM
never mind
:-)
posted by
Jesse on June 14, 2004 07:18 PM
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June 09, 2004
Not a Happy Ending, Not Yet
Once upon a time there lived a little girl whose father died when she was only eight years old.
Her mother had many troubles afterwards, and consequently, the little girl ended up spending the following two years in foster care. After that, she bounced around with various family members until she was old enough to go out on her own.
Maybe she wanted to make more of herself. (Maybe she wanted someone else to fix the problems.)
She married a man twenty years her senior, whose life-long ambition was to stretch the disability check far enough to keep the two of them sufficiently drugged out of their minds.
(Maybe an old, trashy single-wide trailer looks like Cinderella's palace in that state of mind.)
When everyone else was stressing out about Y2K, she was conceiving a child. The lifestyle did not change after he was born.
She was visited by the same system in the same county that had taken her in years earlier. She was warned that she would be visited again a few weeks later. If there was any evidence of drug use, she would lose her son.
Three weeks later she tested positive for crack. At 5'6" in height, she weighed in at less than 100 pounds. Thanks to extensive methamphetamine usage (and poor oral hygiene), she has no teeth.
Her son is almost four years old. He hasn't been potty-trained, he's never heard of ABC's, and judging from his porcelain white skin, he's never seen the light of day.
The past two days I've been calming irrational fears of the potty monster by day, making up excuses for wayward parents by night, and spending the moments after he falls asleep wondering where he'll be six months from now...
(...part of my chaos defined.)
Show Comments »
I'd tell you what I would like to do to the parents but then I would sound dangerous.
When you hug that child, you are making a difference. Really, truly, making a difference. You’re a good person.
posted by
BeeBee on June 9, 2004 10:54 PM
Key is not a good person -- she is a SAINT!
posted by
John on June 10, 2004 03:07 PM
People need a license to do anything but have kids. I am glad their are people like Key in the world to help.
posted by
James Old Guy on June 10, 2004 03:18 PM
Thanks guys. The encouragement helps.
Don't nominate me for sainthood yet...
I'm only human, and eventually I will burn out, but for now - onward I go.
Major potty breakthrough last night! (The little guy earned himself a cupcake. Ah, bribery...)
posted by
Key on June 10, 2004 03:47 PM
Oh, Key. You're breaking a cycle of abuse and neglect with love and compassion. God bless you.
posted by
pam on June 10, 2004 04:09 PM
I'll be praying for your and for that poor child. You're both going to need it. Keep us posted, okay?
posted by
Omnibus Driver on June 10, 2004 07:20 PM
Key, every time I begin to think the human race is beyond redemption, someone like you comes along to remind me that we are not all evil.
Just be sure you save some energy for yourself.
posted by
Jack on June 11, 2004 07:17 AM
I linked over from the Hombre de Acido.
After reading this post, I have a great deal of admiration and respect for you. And I admire very few people.
Ummm, do you have a sister?
posted by
rightisright on June 11, 2004 07:13 PM
Thank you.
posted by
Peter on June 12, 2004 02:45 AM
One of the most rewarding things in life is to be of service to others.
May YOUR rewards be of epic proportions. If God is just it will be so.
posted by
wes jackson on June 12, 2004 03:15 AM
it's stuff like this that makes me wonder why most people only want to adopt newborns... you can make such a difference in a kid's life. God bless you!
posted by
Andrew on June 13, 2004 04:34 AM
"Ummm, do you have a sister"
Sorry dude, you have to get in line.
Good job Key, I'm sure this little tyke will remember you for the rest of his life no matter what happens from this point onward.
posted by
Jesse on June 14, 2004 03:09 PM
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posted by Key on
10:39 PM
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Gut Rumbles links with:
feral parents
Thank You Will!
I've been pop-up free for about ten minutes now. (The free download from lavasoft just exterminated 121 ad roaches.)
That level of non-consensual infestation really should be illegal.
Show Comments »
Dear Key:
You're welcome. I'm glad someone finds me, if not handsome, at least handy....:)
Cheers!
-Will
posted by
Will on June 10, 2004 05:55 PM
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posted by Key on
10:07 PM
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A Single Southern Guy In America links with:
Bug Squashing
June 08, 2004
One More Thing...
Question:
How did somebody hack a link in my "Robbed" post below?
I feel violated.
Update: Okay, it's no longer there, but there was a link on the word "tournaments" to some poker club. I'm not the most litigious soul, but is there anyone I can sue (or maybe put a hit out on) for all this spam?
Show Comments »
...and now it's on poker! I think it's those stoooooopid ilookup people trying to drive me insane!
posted by
Key on June 8, 2004 10:47 PM
How could they do that? Wild! Are you getting hit even through MTBlacklist? I get maybe two a week now, even with the list. I HATE spammers!!
posted by
pam on June 8, 2004 11:00 PM
Doom on Spam.
Doom, I say!
Jim
Sloop New Dawn
Galveston, TX
This message brought to you by Wild Willie's Weiner Whackin' Widget Company, LLC
posted by
Jim on June 9, 2004 10:52 PM
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posted by
anime cartoons on January 7, 2005 12:25 PM
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posted by Key on
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Bad, Bad Day
Chaos. Sleep deprivation. Sadist with a drill Dentist. Car in shop. Screaming children heckling me at work. Need to go to the grocery store...
Calgon? Excedrin? Wine?
Yeah, wine the whine. That'll work.
Show Comments »
I think a Bloody Mary is the way to go myself. Lot's of spice, good amount of vodka. Yeah, that's the way to go, think I'll go make one now.
posted by
BeeBee on June 8, 2004 10:47 PM
I make a bloody mary that has been described by others as "to die for".
Hmmmm...
I haven't made a really good one since I moved to France. I'll experiment tonight.
posted by
Jack on June 9, 2004 06:21 PM
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posted by Key on
10:29 PM
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Comments (2)
June 07, 2004
Remembering Ronald Reagan, my Childhood Pen-pal
Well, at least on one occasion.
Even as a ten year old, I knew a well-respected and well-loved President when I saw one. (I didn't realize what an amazing anomaly the man actually was until many years later.)
I decided I'd like to meet him.
Because jumping a plane was out of the question, - which was the only hindrance I could think of - I went for plan B.
I decided to write a letter. I have no idea what I said in that letter. I wish that I could remember. (More so, I wish that I had a copy of it.)
When the letter was finished, I stuck it in a large envelope, and then I got out my little potholder maker.
I fashioned a red, white and blue potholder and stuck it in the envelope with the letter. I then went downstairs and asked my mother what the President's address was. (Of course, I know this now, but the trivia was a bit much for a ten year old.)
She didn't know.
I wrote THE WHITE HOUSE, WASHINGTON D.C. in big letters on the front of the envelope, put plenty of postage on it, and stuck it in the mailbox.
I then eagerly awaited response, much to the chagrin of my mother, who reminded me every day that the President "is a busy man."
Three weeks later, I got it. A large envelope from The White House. My parents stood in disbelief, as I snatched my mail and tore into it.
Inside was a book about the White House, as well as a short, typed letter from the President with an original signature....Ronald Reagan.
My parents took the letter and held it to the light. They examined the way the ink from the felt pen had feathered into the fine paper on the edges. "I think he actually signed it himself," I remember one of them saying.
"Of course he did," I said snatching the letter and the book from them. I knew enough to know that he probably had a secretary who did most of that stuff for him. But I still thought he was one cool President.
I put the contents back in the envelope and hid the package in an antique desk in my room.
I still have the antique desk. The envelope and its contents are still stashed within.
Show Comments »
Now THAT is one cool story.
Thanks for telling it.
posted by
Jack on June 7, 2004 06:09 PM
Now THAT is one double cool story.
posted by
Sam on June 7, 2004 06:55 PM
Thanks, fellas. ; )
posted by
Key on June 7, 2004 10:52 PM
Dear Key:
That is probably the best tribute to Reagan that I've read over the past few days, if not ever.
He was a great man.
You're a good woman.
Best,
-Will
posted by
Will on June 7, 2004 11:10 PM
That is so. frickin'. cool!!!
posted by
Tuning Spork on June 8, 2004 12:42 AM
A guy on the radio yesterday told of his mother getting a letter from Pesident Reagan on her birthday. The prez and she shared the same birthday, and he wrote to tell her so, with a real signature...........just like a book to a school girl......amazing!
Thanks for the story. He was such a POSITIVE guy!
posted by
wes jackson on June 8, 2004 12:50 AM
Wow! I wrote Ronnie in 1968 because I was doing a scapbook on California, and he was governor. He sent me a great package of stuff. A little flag, some postcards, all manner of cool stuff. And a personally signed letter. Signed by him? I don't know, but I like to think so.
posted by
Velociman on June 8, 2004 01:53 AM
Wonderful story. And Velociman's too. Probably 2 of millions -- that's just what kind of man he was. A great loss to our country; but a great blessing that we had him.
posted by
Indigo on June 9, 2004 04:13 AM
Simply breathtaking. Awe inspiring.
Moving beyond words.
Thank you, Key.
Jim
Sloop New Dawn
Galveston, TX
posted by
Jim on June 10, 2004 05:49 PM
What a great story! Thanks for sharing. I was fortunate enough to see President Reagan speak in my hometown on July 4, 1984. I was 19 at the time, and that November I proudly cast my very first vote in a presidential election for one Ronald Wilson Reagan.
posted by
Robert on June 15, 2004 03:00 AM
Great story! I was in 5th grade when our President was shot. As part of a class project (letter writing) I was to write a letter to anybody. I chose to write a get well letter to President Reagan. Imaging my surprise when several weeks later I recieved a post card sized envelope with the return address of "The White House". It was a typed thank you not for my note. I am not sure if the signiture is hand written or printed but it did not matter. I learned that day that even the smallest voices in this country can be heard. I have not missed a major election since I turned 18 as a result of that postcard. I also still have my mailing and keep it as a reminder of what a great person President Reagan was and proof of my belief in speaking my mind and someone will listen.
posted by
Joe Mixon on December 25, 2004 09:56 PM
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June 04, 2004
Robbed
My girls were robbed.
We had our first tournament game Tuesday night. We are a city team, and we were playing a county team.
The first thing the umpire said to me as we took the field was, "You a city team? Yeah, well, this is a county field, and we play by county rules."
Okay fine, dickweed, we'll skunk your ass anyway is what went through my head, but, as I didn't want to contribute to his already blatant bias, I affixed a smile to my face and returned to the dugout.
Luckily they had first bat. Meaning they may get on the board first, but we'd get last bat, and those final points often make the game.
There is a five run limit per team, per inning. Unfortunately, we were only averaging a couple of runs per inning, due to a scoreless third inning on our part. The score was six to seven (them) at the bottom of the third.
I figured we were still in pretty good shape. A game in this league is five innings, and it's only called at the bottom of the fourth if a team is more than six runs behind, meaning that even if they scored their five runs in the fifth, it wouldn't be enough.
So it's top of the fourth...their bat. And, crap. They got their five runs. Now it's 12 to 6, with them having batted 4 times, us 3 times.
No prob. We were at the top of the line-up. We'd get our five, and the score would be 12 to 11 going into the fifth, making that last inning that much more exciting.
Just one problem...the ump called the game.
That's right. Either he had it out for us, or he had his tops and bottoms confused. Either way, with 21 minutes left in the game, at the top of the fourth, we were robbed. My best batter was up, and she was devastated. They didn't get last bat.
The head coach (my husband) tried to protest, but the ump wouldn't hear it.
"It's over. You can't catch up."
Hmm... Let's do some math. Two times left up to bat equals a ten run potential for us, next to their one time left to bat, a five run potential for them...
...I'd say we could have caught up.
There was no supervisor in site, and the other team was packing it up and sneaking out. Yeah, they knew...
The county rec dept. confirmed the next day that the ump was "mistaken," and inquired as to why we didn't take it up with a supervisor. (I thought that was cute.) He said he'd have given us a field, if he had one, so that we could finish the game, but during tournaments it was just too booked.
I knew that already, besides it would have royally screwed up the brackets.
Luckily, the tournament is double elimination, so my girls aren't dead yet, just a bit discouraged.
They were robbed.
Show Comments »
Now you know why some people scream "KILL THE UMPIRE" at games and really mean what they say.
posted by
Acidman on June 4, 2004 11:35 PM
Yeah, I know it all too well. My wife and I coached girl's softball for two years. The best team doesn't always win, but it's fairly obvious to the fans. Don't be discouraged, just keep pluggin' -- it's more important that the girls learn teamwork and self discipline than it is to win (although winning is really nice, especially when you’re the best team).
posted by
john on June 5, 2004 01:51 AM
Math is exact, except for pi.
I hope your girls kick ass!!!!
And if they don't, you should.
posted by
Sam on June 5, 2004 03:38 AM
It's a harsh lesson, but one of the most important to learn early: the world is NOT fair, those in authority are NOT always right, and you should choose which battles you fight against unfairness carefully.
People who don't learn this lesson become lifelong victims. As I said, it's a harsh lesson, but here's a chance to teach it for a relatively low emotional cost.
posted by
Jack on June 5, 2004 05:46 AM
Dear Key:
I'm hoping that in all these 'life lessons' they've learned from the game they realise that even in the adult world, there are the mean-spirited and downright evil ones. Hard lesson to learn when the game is about sportsmanship.
Best,
-Will
posted by
Will on June 6, 2004 05:12 PM
I coached girls softball for six years. My team finished second three times and first three times and the girls had fun. I wasn't one of those win at all costs coaches. As long as you play the very best that you can, if you don't win, there is nothing to be ashamed of. In my last season we were playing for the league championship and the coach of the other team, who also ran the league, pulled the regular ump and replaced him with his sister-in-law. I'm proud to say that in spite of some horrible calls we still won. After the game, the opposing coach's daughter came over and apologized to my girls for her father and her aunt.
posted by
Denny on June 7, 2004 08:38 PM
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posted by Key on
09:42 PM
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Comments (6)
Learning Things from my Pop-ups
Okay, perhaps if I were single, I'd be tempted to surf the nastiness...for about thirty seconds or so. So, what happened to the STD panic?
I'll spare you the link that I accidentally stumbled upon while doing a search on a client name.
I saw things.
Nasty things. Prono is one thing. But what I saw was the death of a sphincter. Sad. So young. I don't know if I'll ever be able to erase the depressing image from my mind's eye...
I saw the dead sphincter! I tried to erase it! I must have killed the image thirty times, but it didn't want to go... my pc haunted by the girl's dead sphincter.
I invited a fellow blogger to join me as I held a memorial service. "Only sixteen years of diaper-free existence was all life had to offer her..."
There was a slight pause before he asked, "So, you still got that link?"
Forget it, Rob. I remember the name I searched under, but I'm not going there again... You can't make me!
Trust me, I'm saving you from the most brutal nasty-freak spamming of your life.
Show Comments »
There is some sick shit out there in cyberspace.
posted by
Sam on June 4, 2004 06:24 PM
My dear Key, I wouldn't have minded at all if you had skipped this post.
posted by
john on June 4, 2004 11:17 PM
I remember discussing the fact that a sphincter is an amazingly resiliant muscle. I should know. My urologist has done horrible things to me, including what I believe was shoving an entire set of golf clubs up my ass, and I shit my pants only about once per day anymore.
No problem.
posted by
Acidman on June 4, 2004 11:43 PM
I have historically been denied the keys to the backdoor for fear my girth would result in permanent damage. Very sad, but who do you sue?
posted by
Velociman on June 5, 2004 02:51 AM
Were you talking about this sphincter? It's not quite dead.
http://goat.cx/
posted by
FlashMasta on June 6, 2004 03:54 AM
When I worked for a Videoconferencing company in San Diego they had a contract with the Scripts Hospital. I remember walking in to the control room one day and seeing a Spincter replacement surgery taking place. Wow. It was some old guy but jeeze!
It really is sad what some people will do. One wonders how these young girls, some so absolutely stunningly pretty can sink so low.
posted by
Jesse on June 6, 2004 02:06 PM
Dear Key:
"Spybot" and "Lavasoft" are two pieces of absolutely FREE software without which I couldn't live online! You'd do well to download them today. One kills spyware -- the other destroys popup ads.
Also, Norton's Internet Security (Pro Edition) is probably the best at preventing unwanted hack-attacks and other nonsense. If you don't have this firewall (with the regular automatic updates), you'd do well to get this, also.
That done -- you'll be free of popups (and dead sphincters).
Best,
-Will
posted by
Will on June 6, 2004 05:16 PM
I am so infested.
I use spybot! I kill about a dozen a day.
posted by
Key on June 7, 2004 01:55 PM
qohoei taylko.
posted by
Stephen on July 27, 2004 08:12 PM
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posted by Key on
02:56 PM
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Comments (9)
June 03, 2004
Anybody Want a Dog?
I love my dog, really I do. But she's a friggin head case.
Kira is beautiful, part husky, part shepherd. I rescued her from animal control over two years ago. (She was to have been put down the next day.)
Her nerves are fried. I give her muscle relaxers when it storms. But she is otherwise a very laid back and loving animal. She's very quiet and very affectionate...and very stupid.
Every time I let her out, she crawls her retarded ass through a tiny 18" opening leading underneath the porch and into the mud. She honestly thinks that she should be a mud-dog by day and a carpet-dog by night.
Not happening. I can't let her in onto our nice, freshly cleaned carpets once her happy ass is caked with Georgia red clay.
So, she's spent the last three days underneath that stupid porch. I was hoping she'd get enough of it.
Last night she begged to come in, and I caved. I gave her another bath...tore up the bathroom again, clogged the drain again.
I took solace in the fact that my twice a month housekeeper would be coming today, and she would be tackling the bathroom this time instead of me.
I took Kira out twice on the leash this morning, then left a note to my housekeeper begging her not to let the dog out.
She just called.
She's very sorry, but she didn't see the note until she came in, and by then, Kira was already out.
"Is she under the porch?" I asked.
"Yes, I'm afraid that she is," came the hesitant reply.
It's really a good thing I'm not home right now. I would probably be throwing ice water all over the porch...which would only exacerbate the situation, but it'd get her out from under the stupid porch.
Any ideas?
(I can't block the opening, or she'll turn the raised flowerbed in front of the porch upside-down to get in that way.)
Show Comments »
Sorry, no suggestions. I have some people in my life who not entirely metaphorically have taken the same role as Kira has in your life...
Best of luck to you.
posted by
Jack on June 3, 2004 09:48 PM
Call Eric, The Straight White Guy.
posted by
Sam on June 3, 2004 11:08 PM
Just Kidding!!!!
posted by
Sam on June 3, 2004 11:08 PM
My dear Key, dogs are dogs. I have had, and loved two, and they would rather roll in (and smell like) dead fish than eat steak every night. I dunno what to do, they're just dogs.
posted by
john on June 4, 2004 01:29 AM
Mothballs.
My grandmother put them in her flower beds to keep stray cats from using them as litter boxes.
When I had two dogs who decided that they HAD to poop under the dining room table where I had to crawl on my hands and knees to clean it, I put a bowl of mothballs under there and they never went under there again.
Zoe use to chronically dig one hole in the backyard. I sprinkled mothballs in the hole and voila! No more digging.
I don't know if you can sprinkle mothballs where she gets under the porch but it might be worth a try.
posted by
DeAnna on June 4, 2004 07:39 AM
Thanks guys.
Jack, honey, you've got it bad. ; )
DeAnna, thank you. I'll have to try that.
posted by
Key on June 4, 2004 02:11 PM
Mothballs are a good idea. There are also some sprays to repel dogs - "Bitter Apple?" - to keep dogs from chewing on trees and stuff. My old dalmation ignored the spray and ate the trees anyway, but it might work under your porch.
posted by
Michael on June 4, 2004 02:49 PM
Is it hot there, yet nice and cool under the house? If so, I don't blame her. LOL!
If you're prepared to go that way, a thin, slightly electrified wire could be strung among the flowers...
I am NOT sadistic, so don't even go there! ;)
posted by
pam on June 4, 2004 03:25 PM
Moth Balls?
Damn. I'd hate to have the title "moth castrater" on my resume.
Jim
Sloop New Dawn
Galveston, TX
posted by
Jim on June 4, 2004 04:01 PM
One of those electric fences that trigger a shock collar would work.
You could try something like this:
http://www.x10.com/products/x10_ms14a.htm
Hook it up to turn on an old vacuum cleaner or radio turned up really loud.
Another thing you could do is make under the porch more inside friendly. Some of that landscaping, water permeable sheeting covered with wood chips would keep the dog out of the mud at least.
posted by
Anton on June 4, 2004 05:03 PM
Just shoot the goddam dog. Problem solved.
posted by
Acidman on June 4, 2004 11:47 PM
gofd
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posted by
castingcouchteens on July 31, 2005 12:07 PM
« Hide Comments
June 01, 2004
Just Making Sure the Kid Gets It
...as in understands.
We were driving by the courthouse yesterday, and seeing our local World War II monument with an array of flags lining the small hill in front of it, reminded me that I hadn't discussed Memorial Day with Miss Priss.
"Do you know what today is, Sweetheart?" I asked her.
"Monday," she answered matter-of-factly.
Alright, no points either way on that one. She gave me a simple answer, likely assuming I was being a scatterbrain and had forgotten what day of the week it was.
"It's Memorial Day. Do you know why we celebrate Memorial Day?" I didn't expect her to remember. It had been a while - perhaps a year - since we had discussed it.
"For the soldiers," she replied.
She remembered. I was impressed. "And do you remember why they fought for us?"
"Freedom!" she said enthusiastically.
"That's right sweetie. And do you understand what freedom means?"
"Yup," she said as confidently as a kid answering a rehearsed question, "it means you can do anything you want except pee in the shower."
She got me. History lesson over. I was laughing too hard to continue.
Hey, two outta three ain't bad.
Show Comments »
What's wrong with peeing in the shower?
posted by
Acidman on June 2, 2004 12:08 AM
It means you can pee in the shower as well, or on yourself, or each other provided it is done with mutual consent, and coercion is not involved.
Freedom isnt always supposed to be pretty; it can be messy and at times ugly if it does not conform to what you would rather see...but it is supposed to be real....a true expression of what we are in all of it's forms. It requires discipline above all else, tho, which sounds contrary to those who do not understand it.
Werbinox
posted by
werbinox on June 2, 2004 01:23 AM
Actually, the lesson did continue...but I managed to leave the whole golden shower thing out of it. ; )
posted by
Key on June 2, 2004 08:50 PM
Perhaps if we had more troops in Iraq, she could pee in the shower, too. :)
posted by
Michael on June 4, 2004 02:51 AM
You're wrong. Memorial Day is still April 26th in Florida and Georgia. There are no national holidays in the United States of America. There are 3-day weekends for federal employees but no one else has to, or should, take any notice of them whatsoever.
posted by
Justthisguy on June 8, 2004 10:12 AM
Yeah, you don't HAVE to open doors for little old ladies either...
posted by
Key on June 8, 2004 05:41 PM
Yer right. However, I DO open doors for little old ladies, and I DO celebrate Independence Day, and Armistice Day, and Washington's Birthday (There's no such thing as presidents' day), and yes, Memorial Day, which falls on April 26th in my State and yours.
posted by
Justthisguy on June 8, 2004 10:53 PM
Ahh, I see. So you're just the "by the book" type.
I have trouble identifying with your kind, which sucks, because my daughter is one of you...
posted by
Key on June 9, 2004 08:43 PM
Life is too short not to pee in the shower.
I didn't pee in the shower until I was maybe 45. Just never occurred to me. A friend mentioned it and now I save up to do it with that hot water on my back. Delicious.
I have a theory about the giant trees you see next to old homesites. So I pee outside most of the time. My oaks love me.
posted by
AHole on August 7, 2005 10:34 AM
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posted by Key on
10:24 PM
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