Observations by Key Monroe~~Home of Right Opinions, Cynical Viewpoints, and TMI in Hefty Doses
|E-mail: keymonroe [at] alltel [dot] net

September 29, 2006


The small, fleshy, conical body projecting downward from the middle of the soft palate.

You know...that hangy-down thingy that is not gender-specific, the one between your tonsils, or lack there-of in my case. This thang has been my hell.

After the tonsils were removed, obviously there was pain, along with two craterous, barnacle-growing sorespots. This was expected. But not so anticipated was this horrible feeling of having a huge ball of phegm just at the back of my throat. Right there. A tormenting sensation bugging me. More annoying than can be described without using the words like "limp" and "gag" way too many times.

Now, I didn't know what it was, and I figured coughing was a bad (and painful) idea, but I did so anyway. I wanted the junk out my throat.

Well, it came forward, a huge mass, and splayed itself firmly to the roof of my mouth. I gagged, and poked at it, and finally realized that it was firmly attached. So after an incredulous hover atop the sink, I tossed back my head and gagged it back into place, and went for a well-lit mirror.

My God. I had been trying to cough up my damn uvula. I had no idea the little dangly down things could get so big. It was taking up all of the room my tonsils had vacated, and as if its girth wasn't bad enough, it's length went on indefinitely, disappearing into the cavern of my throat. Anyone's guess, there.

So yesterday, after two days of gagging it back. I called my doc, who told me they hadn't mentioned the whole uvula thing since it only affects one in twenty, and they hated to prescribe steroids unless the swelling was really bad.

Oh, he prescribed them.

And, well, you all know how I love to gross you out, so I've included a pic in the extended entry. The good news is that the steroids were my wonder drug. The uvula swelling is way down. Mucho betta. The bad news is that those barnacle-covered craters are incredibly gross. I think it may even be less appetizing than the before pic.

Anyway, share my pain peeps. (I realize the picture quality is poor; in this instance, you should be thanking me!)

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posted by Key on 09:14 PM | Comments (11) | TrackBack (0)

September 25, 2006

Last Suppa

Here it is. Blogging once a week, whether I'm dirty or not.

News sucked today. Laundry is forever tainted. I see dead children. (I didn't link that on purpose, cuz if you don't know what the hell I'm talking about, you are better off.) Some people are really fucked up, and deserve cruel and unusual punishment. That's not whim speaking. I've felt that way for years. Why did the fathers have to be so damned level-headed?

I saw Karzai on Fox news today. Missed the story. I was too busy looking at the sleeves of his robe. Dangling limply to his sides, as the robe draped his shoulders. Sleeves four feet long. Oh, there's a reason, I'm sure of it, and I'm probably a retard for not knowing. But forgive me, for I cannot imagine it. Lord knows he can afford to be custom fitted.

This would be a test-run on the Lortab. Shit, I do Lortab like snot-tots do Tylenol. But this isn't just ANY Lortab. Naw, it's liquid. Meaning I can put it in a martini glass and swirl in some Citron. Just kidding! I didn't do that! Yet.

But I may tomorrow. Tonight was my last dinna for a while. The Lortab is in liquid form, so that I may get it down tomorrow, after my tonsils are sliced from my throat. I go in tomorrow morning, first thing. And so, I have exactly twelve minutes left to eat solid food.

I chose well. Twas a brownie.

This sounded like a much better idea two weeks ago when I made the appointment...

If you don't hear from me by say, Wednesday, I must really deserve some serious sympathy.

Update: Ouch. (I am up and around. My choices are severe pain straight up, or moderate pain a la daze. Yep, yep, no brainer. But I miss food already...)

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posted by Key on 11:48 PM | Comments (19) | TrackBack (0)

September 18, 2006

Hangin' It All Out

More Helen Pics!

Asphalt parties are the latest rage:

Not impressed with the asphalt party:

Me and my new tattoo: (Okay! So it's not me, but I like her tattoo better!)

Daxoro the Great and Fair Lady

PG-13 scandalous pics to follow in extended entry: Vdog and his evil humping monkey steal Daxoro's Fair Lady; onlooker is agape with shock.

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posted by Key on 09:50 AM | Comments (639) | TrackBack (0)

September 15, 2006

What Did He Eat?

Toxic Yabu, polluting the Hooch:


(Perhaps he ingested a deadly vegetable. I always knew spinach was bad news.)

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posted by Key on 08:33 AM | Comments (717) | TrackBack (0)

Happy Birthday To Me!

Well...Three days late, but the flowers are still alive!


I'm ashamed to admit that I don't know what they are, but they last longer than roses, and are prettier than carnations. I like.

Shrek and I are separated, and, as many of you know, he is living in Tennessee. But he came home to visit Priss last Sunday, and was kind enough to bring flowers for my birthday.

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posted by Key on 08:20 AM | Comments (13) | TrackBack (0)

September 10, 2006

I'm Back

Survived Helen for third year in a row. These pics are poor quality, but if they are worth a thousand words, then I've written my longest post in a great while:


You know I am wicked with that camera phone; this is only the first round. (And yes, I left out the pic of Vman and Ga on the deck. If you were there, you know why...)

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posted by Key on 09:05 AM | Comments (12) | TrackBack (0)

September 06, 2006


This would be a product endorsement. Now, I've been a long term fan of the Yoplait brand, as they offer a custard style of yogurt, giving me the opportunity to be healthy all nice and smooth-like, without a fruit sludge surprise at the bottom. Fruit-flavored whipped yogurt did nothing for me, however. Until...


Have you had it? No, the chocolate alone is not impressive. You must get the blended flavas. Myself, I'll be buying the Latte flavor in bulk. Oh yes, it is that good.

(I'm betting an intuitive female made the java flava suggestion years ago, but it wasn't until an up and coming metro came along and said Latte! that it came to be. Tis the rule of the metros. Hopefully, they will continue to use their power for good. Anyhow, bottoms up. So to speak.)

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posted by Key on 09:21 PM | Comments (327) | TrackBack (0)

September 04, 2006

Love Hate Indifference

The title of my first book. And don't steal it, you print-thirsty thieves!

As insinuated, I could write a novel on the idea. But, as it pertains to blogging...Well, love your blog, hate your blog, either way you have something to say.

I struggle with indifference. Until I do have something to say. And then I am cursed with listlessness. Procrastination. Finally, I write it. Unfortunately, the story on which I am remarking, is by then, three months old.

And then, I am faced with the sad, sad realization, one I have sold as a joke in the past: Perhaps I am just blogging to pass the time between meets.

P.S. And while on the topic, I have just been made aware (by a brand new dedicated reader) that I am #1 google for "Bionic Seahorse." Now, I have denied an esoteric meaning there, but that is only because the patent is still pending. In the mean time, if any of you are interested in becoming in-home sales-persons, I can put in your hands a product that will sell itself, and once again relegate the hummingbird to the out of doors.

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posted by Key on 11:38 PM | Comments (284) | TrackBack (0)