Observations by Key Monroe~~Home of Right Opinions, Cynical Viewpoints, and TMI in Hefty Doses
|E-mail: keymonroe [at] alltel [dot] net

September 30, 2004

Parabolic Behavior

The honeymoon period has evidently worn off for my foster son. Either that, or he's a living, breathing Jekyll/Hyde.

Naturally it was weird at first when he came to live with us a few months ago. He had suffered neglect issues, exposure issues, the list goes on....then chase that with attachment issues from the move.

Parabolic in nature because it was rocky at first, but we conquered some nervous habits and otherwise brought him up to speed, and we've had a good month or two of relative ease. And now...

Not anymore.

Of course, it doesn't help that his birth parents aren't meeting any requirements to get him back. They are unemployed, living in roach-infested filth, and refuse to go to the mandatory in-patient TAXPAYER PAID Rehab....but they don't miss a visit with THEIR son.

Where does the little guy place his loyalty? Who are his parents? I understand the he's more than a little confused....BUT, he has the sweetest disposition, so the last thing I expected was to find the other end of the spectrum crashing down on me full force as quickly as it has.

My first clue was a couple of days ago when he came home from school in a different shirt. Apparently, he got a hold of some scissors and decided to cut the one he'd had on into several dozen pieces.

Okay, a little irritated that the school allowed access to scissors that could cut cloth, but I didn't realize that we had acquired new issues.

Well, we have.

Here's how my little guy spent his day, as reported by his Pre-K teacher:

8:35 - Throwing blocks at kids (3 min. Time Out)
9:13 - Climbing on top of table
9:20 - Kicking a little boy (3 min. TO)
10:07 - Pulling little girl's hair and yelling at her
10:32 - Twisting little boy's arm (3 min. TO)
11:05 - Refused to sit in his chair (4 min. TO)
11:25 - Beating children upside the head with bowling pins (5 min. TO)
11:30 - (Lunch) Threw his food at teacher/threw away other children's food (sent to office)
12:15 - (Nap-time) Refused to lie down or be quiet/jumped on others while they were sleeping/banged head on wall/kicked cabinet (sent to office)
2:15 - Talked about drinking beer/threatened to "pee" on children
2:20 - Mom - that would be me - called to rescue school from child

So I picked Little Guy up early, sent him to his room for an hour to rest, and followed that with time out. (He's been his usual angelic self in my presence; I'm still floored, frankly.)

I am convinced periodic visits with the natural parents, prior to their situation being resolved, messes with these children's little minds. The system sucks.

As far as discipline goes, ya can't spank foster children, and at this age, rationalizing is difficult...but I'm trying. Dealing with passive-aggressiveness is not my strong suit. The child is perfectly agreeable in my presence.

So weird.


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posted by Key on 11:29 PM | Comments (4)

I'm sure it's linked to death...

But I can't help myself. This never happened when my school ran out of milk.

(Kids get cooler happy meal toys these days as well.)

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posted by Key on 05:38 PM | Comments (1)

September 28, 2004

Warning: Blogging Angry

I honestly can not remember the last time I've woken up in such a shitty mood.

Seriously, I'm extremely easy-going, too forgiving, and rarely blow-up. Well, I'm blowing up today. I'll spare you the details.

Rather, I'll just displace a little anger into the political arena for a moment or two.

Did anyone catch the Moms with a Mission interview on Fox News this morning? I tell you, I was slack-jawed with awe and wonder at the sheer stupidity of the argument.

I get why Mrs. John Edwards went on a crusade to find military moms who would support John Kerry. That almost makes sense. So she found eight, and they said their piece, and that's fine.

But what Mrs. Edwards decided to make the center-point of her argument was how horrible it was that the Administration sent soldiers overseas without proper armor....Were we aware how many casualties could have been avoided with proper armor? Were we aware that many soldiers were having to spend $400 of their own money to buy armor? This needs to change.


Too bad John Kerry voted AGAINST the bill that would have put armor on our boys!


Maybe someone in the Kerry camp should tell her to lay off that argument, before she's publicly called on it. (I can't help but wonder if her husband had ANY idea that those things were about to come out of mouth on national TV. I can hear it now, "Honey? Whose side are you on anyway?")

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posted by Key on 04:28 PM | Comments (7)

September 27, 2004

No Time for Decent Writing...


...too busy taking these required-every-four-years courses. Enjoy a little art, using the term loosely, of course. This is a nameless piece in the "Key Plays with Pastels" series.

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posted by Key on 11:12 PM | Comments (2)

September 26, 2004

A Typical Evening in the Monroe Household

ME: Give it to me!

HIM: No.

ME [reaching]: Gimme!

HIM: No. Stop it.

ME [fighting for it, getting irritated]: Seriously, give it up!

HIM: NO! You had it last night.

ME: Two minutes worth, maybe... I need it NOW!

Pitter-patter of little feet down the hallway...

MISS PRISS [raises eyebrows, fakes annoyance]: Ahem!

ME: Daddy won't give me the remote.

MISS PRISS [smirks and makes a quick move.]

I had the left covered, Miss Priss dove for the right hand, and the component in question was readily acquired.

We may not have won the war, but we won the battle.

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posted by Key on 01:20 AM | Comments (7)
» Meanderings links with: Self Improvement

September 22, 2004

WE like the taste of blood?

Mainstream media has deemed bloggers worthy of recognition, thanks to Memogate, and they have many pseudo-flattering things to say.

I don't even feel the urge to read the articles. Here are some headlines and excerpts from today's top blogger-related stories:

US: How the bloggers cut CBS and Rather down to size
Asia Pacific Media Network - 3 hours ago
"... W. Bush's National Guard service during the Vietnam war was a watershed moment, brought on by a small army of internet-based commentators, known as bloggers. ... "

Bloggers keep eye on the news
USA Today, United States - 17 hours ago

From geek to chic: Blogs gain influence Minneapolis Star Tribune

Bloggers draw blood as CBS forced to apologise New Zealand Herald

Bloggers' win against CBS isn'ta revolution
Austin American-Statesman, TX - 13 hours ago
"... Bloggers cheered that the new-media David had slain the old-media Goliath. ... Now right-wing bloggers have tasted blood — and they like it. ... "

Notice the flattery is mostly back-handed from our domestic media friends, while the international variety leaves no regrettable aftertaste.

So bloggers are a bunch of overly opinionated blood-sucking vampires feeding upon those who would proclaim to know WTF they're talking about, but usually don't.

I can handle that.

(Of course, if that were true in its entirety, we'd all be fat as ticks by nightfall.)

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posted by Key on 09:47 PM | Comments (6)
» Tammi's World links with: Gettin' Some Attention

September 20, 2004

Groping the Stress Ball

So I find myself at the mall Friday night, which is a sacrifice I made for Miss Priss, whose social calendar had her scheduled for two birthday parties this weekend.

We found the gifts - which HAD to come from Limited Too - and proceeded to check out (with much more than two gifts in our arms.)

Like any good catering-to-kids store, all these fluorescent little key chains and lip glosses were stacked by the register. I ignored my daughter's perusal through these things as I handed our finds over to the cutesy college girl behind the register.

Then I looked down to see Miss Priss exclaim for the fourth time, "Eeeew! Cool!" This time she handed something to me.

Upon initial observation it appeared to be some chicken-skinned looking pink gelatinous stress ball squeezy thing. Being squished in the holder's palm its primary function, I gave the thing a good squeeze.

At first touch it was extremely soft, but when given a good squeeze, I soon noticed a slightly firmer ball on the inside.

Immediately, I let go and looked at the thing as though I expected it to cry out in pain. I tell you, if anyone had it in their hearts to mass produce a faux testicle, ya just can't get anymore realistic than that!

Well, being me - my philosophy being why let someone wonder what you're thinking when you can easily just blurt it out - I wasted no time. Before I could get the thing out of my hand, I looked at the cutesy cashier and blurted, "Isn't that thing sorta obscene?"

There was a split second there that I wished I could have retracted that. (To ask was to assume the girl had carnal knowledge of such things.)

Split-second over...apparently she was more shocked that I had noticed. She started laughing as she answered, "The other girls and I were just making fun of that thing earlier today!"

Okay. So WTF is it doing in there? Shouldn't it be in Spencer's or something? I instructed Miss Priss to put it back where she found it.

"Mommy, can't I have it?"

"No, honey. Your time will come."

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posted by Key on 04:56 PM | Comments (21)
» Gut Rumbles links with: you did what?
» suburban blight links with: Love Tap

September 16, 2004

I Was Going to Update Today...

...Really I was, but as the tornado sirens are presently going off in my humble corner of Georgia, I feel that it would best if I save everything and give it up for the day.

I can handle shitty weather, I can handle living in darkness...but if everything in my freezer goes bad, that's a problem.

(BTW, it's 3:20pm here and now. I switched options to EST, but it's still 5 hours off...any ideas?)

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posted by Key on 08:20 PM | Comments (2)

September 15, 2004

Creating Scandal Just for the Helluvit

Is it just me, or is it getting ridiculous? I've never seen so much barking about First Amendment rights.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love these rights, and I will, in fact, stand up for all of them, including the right to be stupid.

But some folks are acting like smart-assed ten year olds when they demand a literal interpretation, regardless of the situation.

I can't say that I appreciate the media's portrayal of the general populous, as they continue to lend airtime to hotheads - of both political affiliations - who have more mouth than brains.

First Amendment rights are not absolute. How can anyone be so naive as to believe that they are? Like any other rule, there are exceptions to this one...certain conditions must be adhered to.

Do you think you can waltz into a church on Sunday morning, scream profanities, and expect to stick around?

Think you can grab a mike in a courtroom just to tell your newest joke?

Wonder if you'd get away with standing in your own front yard at 3am belting out the Pledge of Allegiance through a megaphone...

The answer to that one is pretty simple: not if you live in a neighborhood.

This morning there was an older couple - the McHannons I believe - from Ohio being interviewed on Fox News. It seems their First Amendment rights were "violated" when their neighborhood association asked them to take down a yard sign that read, "Support your troops; Re-elect President Bush."

A few years ago, I lived in one of these neighborhoods. Good-sized houses, manicured yards, huge neighborhood pool, and the whole thing was held together with the almighty glue of a group that I affectionately referred to as the "neighborhood nazis."

As I am in the real estate business, I knew quite well what I was getting into. Folks, when you buy property, and you receive a list of restrictive covenants on that property, understand that these are not suggestions.

One of the previous owners of your property, most likely the developer, legally placed these restrictions on the deed to that property for a set period of time, typically 20 years.

If you want to let your weeds grow out of control, if you want to hang a window unit out of your garage window, if you want to park your R.V. in the street, or if you want to plaster your yard with various signs or even "yard art," DON'T BUY PROPERTY WITH A RESTRICTIVE DEED AND COVENANTS!

The day came when I could tolerate no more of it myself.

It came on a warm fall afternoon when I walked out to get the mail. The yard looked pretty good, I observed, as my husband had just mowed. He hadn't edged, since our edger had eaten something that didn't agree with it last time it was used. I had pulled the weeds, and my annuals were still thriving. I reached into the box and grabbed my mostly junk mail.

Oh, how kind...the neighborhood nazis sent me a letter. I was given a notice because my yard hadn't been edged. We would be given a ten-day grace period to comply with neighborhood covenants.

I walked into the house, put the letter on my kitchen counter, went out to the garage, grabbed one of my real estate signs, and stuck it in my yard.

I like Mr. McHannon's sign personally, but if he wants to display it, he needs to move. He may not have the right to change the covenants, but he has the freedom to move to a place that has no covenants.

Incidentally, during the interview Mr. McHannon merely touched on the one thing that could actually give him a case. And that's that there were cars parked on the street with Kerry bumper-stickers. Now, if a neighbor with a Bush sign is cited, yard signs being against covenants....And a neighbor with a Kerry bumper-sticker is not cited, parking in the street also being against covenants...then there's a case for bias.

There's no First Amendment case here.

(I was going to give another example, but due to the length of this one, I'll have to hold off until I steal another hour.)

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posted by Key on 05:44 PM | Comments (9)

September 13, 2004

Sunday, Bloody Sunday

Okay, maybe that's a bit dramatic, since no blood was shed in my household yesterday.

However, the torment was tangible.

Miss Priss was prepared to make a pest of herself by debating the "black shoes after Labor Day" rule, until she caught a certain look in my eye that warned her, "not today..."

The rest of the household must have observed the same ominous aura surrounding me, as I was given a wide berth and very little lip for the duration of the morning.

But I'm a big girl. I had worked through it by mid-morning, to the relief of my family, who very rarely sees my inner beast. In fact, although from the general population I take very little crap, from those I love, I seem to take it by the shovel full.

So, it's over. It happened. I couldn't stop it.

I am 30.

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posted by Key on 03:10 PM | Comments (17)
» Gut Rumbles links with: i mourn
» The Brier Patch links with: Better Late Than Never

September 11, 2004

Beautiful Day

I have spent the day at the county parks and rec. fields enjoying the sun and the children and the hot dogs.

Everyone was eager to accept and proudly wear their "United We Stand" sticker, as I'm sure they sought some form of remembering that involved something positive, and didn't know what else they could say or do.

I abandoned my political hostility for the day, and decided to focus it rather on the field, where I kicked butt. Okay, not me, it was the kids, but I didn't like the other coach, so I'm takin' braggin' rights on this one.

Before I mellow into weary mush, I must cheer my Dawgs on to victory. So, this might very well be it for the day.

I may be back tomorrow, dreaded day though it is...

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posted by Key on 10:54 PM | Comments (1)

September 10, 2004

I Can Fake Better Than That...


Genuine article on left, alleged fake on right. (Sounds backwards, doesn't it?)

Notice the spacing around the letter "I" on each. Also, I'd be willing to bet that the signature on the right was penned by a female.

Fortunately, we'll know by tomorrow at the latest, as I'm sure a full investigation will be streamlined, and should forgeries be confirmed, formal apologies will air nationwide.

(I'll just be holding my breath.)

Full Story: The Command Post (Contains content from Powerline, which is currently drowning in Drudge traffic.)

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posted by Key on 06:26 PM | Comments (1)

September 09, 2004

Way Beyond Freaky


Only those who have met me can appreciate this.

My daughter gave me a picture frame for Mother's Day. This is the pic that came with the frame.

The woman in the picture is not me, but I doubt I'm alone in my belief that it's an uncanny resemblance.

(Yes, I am that tall. Yes, I am that broad-shouldered. Yes, my posture does suck that badly. Yes, my hair would be that color if I didn't streak the hell out of it. ...but she just might have a few years on me; with a mile-marker birthday lurking in the shadows, waiting to pounce, every little bit counts.)

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posted by Key on 11:15 PM | Comments (6)

So I went to the Lake for the Holiday...

Me, the husband, and two other couples.

Oh, how we partied. ...back in the early nineties, anyway.

Recently? Not so much. Oh, there was beer to be consumed, and stories to be retold, but we've just become more laid back in our old age. And, ya know, that isn't necessarily a bad thing.

However, after a few hours of slow drinking and slower conversation, we felt the cursed threat of understimulation looming over the bunch.

Refusing to accept such a demise, we decided to mix things up a bit by swapping partners. Three way swap...short end of the stick gets to pick last.

Really? No, but I've felt a sleepiness fall over my blog, and I felt the urge to see if my readers were paying attention.

The only swinging I did was on the porch swing with my big-bellied-babe-in-utero girlfriend. And the only pimping I did was with poker chips.

Yeah, I cleaned up the table with a few big talkin' would-be poka playas.

All in all a very nice, very relaxing weekend. The wind over the lake was incredibly nice, and Frances was kind enough to hold the rain until Monday night.

A thought...maybe those poker chips would come in handy in Helen...

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posted by Key on 12:30 AM | Comments (4)

September 08, 2004

She Just Wanted to Get Coffee...

Thank you BeeBee, for the laugh of the day.

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posted by Key on 09:34 PM | Comments (0)

It's Gettin' Hot in Here...

Hopefully, we won't all hate each other by the time November rolls around.

While I agree with Jack in theory, tempering passion is not always easy. (To illustrate this point, I'll be unleashing mine momentarily.)

While both sides typically claim that they are only denouncing the most vocal political extremists, these numbers are constantly growing, as each side needs more strength to maintain its ground during this nationwide tug-of-war.

I fear that some are so busy rooting for their team that they've forgotten why they're voting a particular way...all they know is that they HATE the other guy.

Well, personally, I've never met either one. But I have met a few folks who I intensely dislike.

But I can be bought...Like them or not, if they're running for office, and I feel they'll do their job to control government, they'll have my vote. What's hate got to do with it? This is business, people.

I want things that make sense, and I seriously struggle to understand why these things don't make sense to everyone.

They are as follows:
I want to decide how the money that I earn is spent.

Wooo, that's weird. I like to call it "freedom."

I give to people who need it through churches and charities because I CHOOSE to do so, WHEN I choose to do so. Any government monies going to anyone not working should go back into my paycheck. Period. Charity is a choice. If it isn't, we're talking socialism.

I will happily give a portion of my check to law enforcement, and all of the tentacles thereof. That is and should be a primary function of government, and therefore I don't mind paying for it.

As long as we are the most enviable nation, there will be those who hate us for it. If we are soft, we die. Not a thousand of our boys, but tens of thousands of our civilians. To refuse to acknowledge this is to be naive. (Being naive is more fun, I realize this, but it's too expensive. You can't afford it.)

I want to see strength. I don't want a pansy-assed government that's too busy trying to decide whether or not gay people should be allowed to get married.

I don't give a fuck! Civil union, go to the courthouse....Marriage, ask your preacher... (Fat chance, but you can ask.)

Now, can we get back to business? Jeez, it's like trying to make a business call with a room full of kids. (BTW, I use the above as an example, and yes, I do criticize both sides for wasting time on such issues. Pick your battles. Some things aren't worth the time to fight or oppose, not when there are bigger fish to fry.)

Defense, people. I want a government that blows the shit out of anyone who even thinks of making a hostage out of my child.

Not everyone wants to be our friend, and that's fine. But if they don't love us, they damned well better fear us.

And that, friends, is a cause I'm willing to finance.

I'm not voting for a particular man; I'm voting for a particular direction.

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posted by Key on 04:28 PM | Comments (2)

September 03, 2004


That's what I'm talking 'bout.

Those are the three words that stuck with me, but there were several other ideas in there that should not go unnoticed. As I am headed out of town, I'll make it short and sweet by saying this:

I regret that I have but one vote to cast for the man who is willing to take on the task of overhauling Social Security.

Hell, yeah!

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posted by Key on 07:12 PM | Comments (3)

Not in My Worst Nightmares...

...Can I imagine the horror of someone telling me, "Don't come any closer; you're child was burned alive in the last explosion."

I'll admit that these news stories have a way of desensitizing us over time, but even still, this one got to me.

You don't mess with children. You just don't. Even most criminals subscribe to that philosophy. In fact, even most animals can be trained to exhibit mild behavior in the presence of children.

What does that make these terrorists?

Dead, I hope. Maybe I should consider forgiving their black souls. Yeah, I'll work on that.

(...when they're DEAD.)

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posted by Key on 06:53 PM | Comments (1)

September 02, 2004

What's with all these Liberal Defections?

So, Kerry waffles a bit. The man is confused, okay? But there's one thing he knows for certain, and that is that he wants to be the next President of the United States of America! Have you seen or heard him even imply anything to the contrary? ...I didn't think so.

If people would just tell him what he's supposed to say or do to accomplish that goal, I'm sure he would do it. Why should he have to have passion, conviction and a competitive work ethic? How is that fair? Where's your liberal spirit?

Now, be a good little Democrat and give the man the what he didn't earn, but would really like to have anyway.

(Don't worry. If we make a mess, the Republicans will clean it up. Now, let's have some fun and spend some money!)

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posted by Key on 08:29 PM | Comments (3)

I'm going to the lake tomorrow...

...And I'm stayin' 'til Monday. What, you say? Bad weather ahead... You don't say.

I don't care. I'm going. I'll bring a book.

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posted by Key on 04:42 PM | Comments (4)

Internet Weird

That's me.

I'm a little weird about throwing my personal information out there into internet land. In fact, I can count on one hand the number of times I've thrown the credit card number out there.

Look, I'm getting there, okay?

I think I'm going to make an exception for this guy. It's a good cause, and when you know and love someone who is affected by such a disease, suddenly there is a sense of urgency that perhaps should have been felt before, but it just wasn't real enough.

I don't beg. It's just not me. So I'm asking you nicely...please go there and at least read and link what he's doing, even you don't financially contribute.

Link Supplier: The gal with the Wild Heart

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posted by Key on 03:29 PM | Comments (1)

September 01, 2004

A Swift Response Would Have Done Wonders

I was watching the children play at the playground the other day.... It's so nice when they use their energy productively, laughing, playing, basically getting along.

In this case that lasted maybe five minutes.

Then my four-year came running up to me with the most pitiful expression on his face as he cried, "See that little boy over there? See him? He said I was mean!"

"He did?" I faked the shock well, "Why would he say such a thing?"

No answer. (Sniffle, sniffle.)

"Honey, did you do something mean?"

...silence, then defiance, "But he shouldn't have said that!"

Mmmmhmmm, yeah. In this case, the little guy has about ten seconds to come clean and show some sign of remorse before he lands himself in time out.

Of course, at this age, personal responsibility is not a priority. I am, however, of the opinion that it should become a priority sometime over the next fourteen years of his life.

If it doesn't, he will never become a man, not by my definition anyway.

Now as this applies to current events, first let me say that I'm not advocating that John Kerry comply with the four-part demand of the Swift Boat Veterans in its entirety. In fact, I think that in particular, the Purple Heart issue should be left alone. (Anger aside, we should be above tastelessness.)

John Kerry is better off to let them run their ads, countering them simply with a show of personal responsibility. The truth would be a great start, followed by how he felt then vs. how he feels now. The avoidance is all very suspect.

This is particularly true given the "sellout" ad. This one features POWs, who after years of torture refused to say such things - as Kerry is quoted as having said - against their country.

In an interview this morning with Fox news, Geraldine Ferraro said, "Well, John Kerry isn't the only one who came back saying these things."

While weak, I don't need to research that; it's probably true. But, guess what Gerry? THE OTHER GUYS AREN'T RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!

John Kerry, you're not getting off the hook any easier than the four year old. If you want me to feel sorry for you because those guys are saying horrible things about you, then you need to first address the accusations.

Call me crazy, but I want my President to have more personal responsibility than the average Joe, not less.

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posted by Key on 05:04 PM | Comments (2)