Observations by Key Monroe~~Home of Right Opinions, Cynical Viewpoints, and TMI in Hefty Doses
|E-mail: keymonroe [at] alltel [dot] net

September 30, 2004

Parabolic Behavior

The honeymoon period has evidently worn off for my foster son. Either that, or he's a living, breathing Jekyll/Hyde.

Naturally it was weird at first when he came to live with us a few months ago. He had suffered neglect issues, exposure issues, the list goes on....then chase that with attachment issues from the move.

Parabolic in nature because it was rocky at first, but we conquered some nervous habits and otherwise brought him up to speed, and we've had a good month or two of relative ease. And now...

Not anymore.

Of course, it doesn't help that his birth parents aren't meeting any requirements to get him back. They are unemployed, living in roach-infested filth, and refuse to go to the mandatory in-patient TAXPAYER PAID Rehab....but they don't miss a visit with THEIR son.

Where does the little guy place his loyalty? Who are his parents? I understand the he's more than a little confused....BUT, he has the sweetest disposition, so the last thing I expected was to find the other end of the spectrum crashing down on me full force as quickly as it has.

My first clue was a couple of days ago when he came home from school in a different shirt. Apparently, he got a hold of some scissors and decided to cut the one he'd had on into several dozen pieces.

Okay, a little irritated that the school allowed access to scissors that could cut cloth, but I didn't realize that we had acquired new issues.

Well, we have.

Here's how my little guy spent his day, as reported by his Pre-K teacher:

8:35 - Throwing blocks at kids (3 min. Time Out)
9:13 - Climbing on top of table
9:20 - Kicking a little boy (3 min. TO)
10:07 - Pulling little girl's hair and yelling at her
10:32 - Twisting little boy's arm (3 min. TO)
11:05 - Refused to sit in his chair (4 min. TO)
11:25 - Beating children upside the head with bowling pins (5 min. TO)
11:30 - (Lunch) Threw his food at teacher/threw away other children's food (sent to office)
12:15 - (Nap-time) Refused to lie down or be quiet/jumped on others while they were sleeping/banged head on wall/kicked cabinet (sent to office)
2:15 - Talked about drinking beer/threatened to "pee" on children
2:20 - Mom - that would be me - called to rescue school from child

So I picked Little Guy up early, sent him to his room for an hour to rest, and followed that with time out. (He's been his usual angelic self in my presence; I'm still floored, frankly.)

I am convinced periodic visits with the natural parents, prior to their situation being resolved, messes with these children's little minds. The system sucks.

As far as discipline goes, ya can't spank foster children, and at this age, rationalizing is difficult...but I'm trying. Dealing with passive-aggressiveness is not my strong suit. The child is perfectly agreeable in my presence.

So weird.


posted by Key on 11:29 PM | Comments (4)

I understand where you are coming from; when my grandson first came to live with me, he behaved the same way. Over time it got better, but that knowledge doesn't help while you are going through it. Hang in there!

Posted by: Michele at October 1, 2004 10:10 AM

Since your foster son is a sweet angel in your presence, makes me wonder what the difference is at school. Could something be going on in that classroom that could be encouraging this behavior?

Posted by: BeeBee at October 1, 2004 01:34 PM

I feel your pain, girlfriend. I was a foster parent for a few years...had the school send one of my foster sons home with a police escort lol.

I suspect that you know deep down inside that there is only one thing you can do. Be consistent. It doesn't matter what the punishments are as much as it matters that he receives them consistently.

But like I said...you already knew this ;-)

Posted by: Chablis at October 3, 2004 01:29 PM


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