Key Issues

Key is a Fool!

for giving me the uh, keys. Perhaps fool is too strong a word. Overly trusting? Yes. Betrayed by her own sense of decency? Yes, yes.

I promise not to trash the Keyhole while here, in contravention of my normal activities when given the password to another's site. In fact, I'm going to prevent any mayhem from Acidman by scooping up all the dainty underthings and securing them where that twisted fiend can't find them. Right. Here. Yes.

This place smells nice. Much nicer than the Velocihovel, which reeks of mansweat, asparagus, and old chicken blood.

So: what do we want to talk about? How about a nice game of Ask Velociman? You can ask me questions pertaining to your most intimate, painful issues, and I can respond!

Trust me: I have a degree in Behavioral Science, and have counseled Very Important People. Nixon? He was going to the mattresses with Tommy guns when I suggested he could have more fun walking the beach at San Clemente in black socks and wingtips. Boris Yeltsin was in a vodka fugue until I suggested he scale a tank whilst performing a primitive version of the Macarena. I gots chops. Just ask me.

Posted by Guest Booger Velociman