Key Issues

Bible Study Etiquette

Some of you may have noticed that I am not the overly evangelistic type. Faith, yes...organized religion, well, I've been trying to develop a flavor for it for the past 30 years or so.

My minister is attempting to prod this process along. He informed me that a Sunday evening Bible study was to be organized in my humble town of Bumbledookie, and that my family was to attend.

Okay, fine.

Fortunately, we know the hosts anyway. They are builders, and we are in real estate, so we've worked together a good bit. They live in a beautiful home which has been professionally decorated. And it was immaculate.

Except...

I walked in with only my keys. I sought to find a place that I could lay them down that would be obvious enough for me to recall two hours later.

I chose the mantle in the Living Room where we held the study. I immediately noticed the shiny pair of sturdy hand cuffs slung atop the mantle between two glorious vases, each holding a three foot tall mass of synthetic foliage...but, of course, I said nothing to my host as he showed off his remote control fireplace.

The room filled. The Bible study ended, and as the social hour was winding up, I slid back toward the Living Room to grab the keys and make the exit.

But I just couldn't help myself.

"Phyllis," I yelled to my hostess - a good twenty feet away in the Kitchen - as I picked up the cuffs and allowed them to dangle, "you and Don left your cuffs on the mantle..."

In my defense, I did wait until the room was only inhabited by females. Still. One of them was her teenage daughter, who turned quite crimson, though the others did laugh. What else could they do?

So, I shut up then. Really? Yeah, right! I walked over to the group and chided, "that's okay, Phyllis, I know they must belong to one of the kids; the emergency release levers haven't been sawed off."

Have you ever seen people turn red? It's fascinating really.

I don't think I'm going to get asked back next week.