Observations by Key Monroe~~Home of Right Opinions, Cynical Viewpoints, and TMI in Hefty Doses
|E-mail: keymonroe [at] alltel [dot] net

November 21, 2004

Bible Study Etiquette

Some of you may have noticed that I am not the overly evangelistic type. Faith, yes...organized religion, well, I've been trying to develop a flavor for it for the past 30 years or so.

My minister is attempting to prod this process along. He informed me that a Sunday evening Bible study was to be organized in my humble town of Bumbledookie, and that my family was to attend.

Okay, fine.

Fortunately, we know the hosts anyway. They are builders, and we are in real estate, so we've worked together a good bit. They live in a beautiful home which has been professionally decorated. And it was immaculate.


I walked in with only my keys. I sought to find a place that I could lay them down that would be obvious enough for me to recall two hours later.

I chose the mantle in the Living Room where we held the study. I immediately noticed the shiny pair of sturdy hand cuffs slung atop the mantle between two glorious vases, each holding a three foot tall mass of synthetic foliage...but, of course, I said nothing to my host as he showed off his remote control fireplace.

The room filled. The Bible study ended, and as the social hour was winding up, I slid back toward the Living Room to grab the keys and make the exit.

But I just couldn't help myself.

"Phyllis," I yelled to my hostess - a good twenty feet away in the Kitchen - as I picked up the cuffs and allowed them to dangle, "you and Don left your cuffs on the mantle..."

In my defense, I did wait until the room was only inhabited by females. Still. One of them was her teenage daughter, who turned quite crimson, though the others did laugh. What else could they do?

So, I shut up then. Really? Yeah, right! I walked over to the group and chided, "that's okay, Phyllis, I know they must belong to one of the kids; the emergency release levers haven't been sawed off."

Have you ever seen people turn red? It's fascinating really.

I don't think I'm going to get asked back next week.

posted by Key on 09:44 PM | Comments (9)

Oh, Christianity. At least I acknowledge my cuffs are the work of the Beastmaster. The Beastmaster being, unfortunately and apparently, ME.

I'm proud of you, Key, for your sense of timeliness, and decorum. And I hope tonight's study was Matthew.

Posted by: Velociman at November 21, 2004 11:05 PM

John 5, actually.

(Hey, at least I paid attention...)

Posted by: Key at November 21, 2004 11:14 PM

That story is way too funny, Key!

Posted by: zonker at November 22, 2004 12:29 PM

How do you know so much about handcuffs? Emergency release levers?


Posted by: Sam at November 22, 2004 12:37 PM

Nothing wrong with games husband and wife play. If they want to cuff each other occasionally, I can't see any reason God would disapprove.

Of course, they probably shouldn't have left them on the mantle. :/

Posted by: Michael at November 22, 2004 12:47 PM

I THOUGHT I was kidding. When she didn't immediately say, "Oh, those are my son's..." I thought OH SHIT!

Of course, I may have punctured the boil so to speak, in that had nothing been said and she realized their conspicuous location after the house had been vacated, would she not have been equally -if not more- mortified?

Perhaps, on that note, I can forgive myself.

Posted by: Key at November 22, 2004 02:18 PM

I love how a well turned phrase can bring someone to their.. er... knees. What were the dadgum things doing on the mantle, anyway? They clearly belong in the kitchen. ;)

Posted by: pam at November 22, 2004 06:23 PM

Punctured the boil?!? Was Job there?

Posted by: Velociman at November 22, 2004 06:54 PM

I don't think the story is that funny. Everyone has their privacy. I think it was very rude of you to make any comments.

Posted by: crystal at December 8, 2004 08:18 AM
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