Observations by Key Monroe~~Home of Right Opinions, Cynical Viewpoints, and TMI in Hefty Doses
|E-mail: keymonroe [at] alltel [dot] net

December 21, 2004

That's So Thoughtful!

So I'm cooking dinner when Mr. Key decides something is amiss.

HIM: What's burning?

ME: Nothing. I just started cooking. This flat surface stove cooks too hot even on low.

HIM: No, that's not it. It's those old pots and pans. How old is that one anyway?

ME: Let's see, it was a wedding gift...so that'd make it 11+ years.

HIM: Well, I know what YOU'RE getting for Christmas!

Heh. You just try it buddy.

Fellas, if you want to purchase new items for the household, such as pots and pans, vacuum cleaners, appliances, etc., AND you want to do it around Christmas time, that is fine.

But if you would also like to remain intact, I humbly suggest you install the appliances, wash the pots and pans and put them away, and store the vacuum in the friggin closet.

The tasks associated with these things are not hobbies. They are not fun, and we do not enjoy them. (The exception might be if someone is really into cooking, and the gifts are Pampered Chef trinkets. But the exception is not good for ranting, so let us forget them for the moment.)

For most of us, these things are not "gifts." They are curses, reminders that we have a neverending supply of chores to attend to once we finish what's left of our Christmas morning! (The fact that "we" should encompass the entire family, not solely the wife is another rant.)

So... DO NOT for an instant consider wrapping that shit up and putting it under the tree as a gift!


Just don't.

posted by Key on 08:04 PM | Comments (12)

You obviously have not experienced the joys of vacuum-cleaner sex, which involves several snap-on attachments that come with most standard models.

I'll show you some "chores" all right.

Posted by: Acidman at December 21, 2004 08:31 PM



Posted by: Velociman at December 21, 2004 09:08 PM

Yeah, I got some special words just for you, Velociman...

Posted by: Key at December 21, 2004 09:32 PM


Did you by chance upbraid V-man for wordiness or tenses in his chapter or elsewhere??

I just get the feeling I missed something here. (not that that would be unusual)


Posted by: Christina at December 21, 2004 09:45 PM

Believe me, he got his share of flattery. But I did ask him if the change of tense was intentional, not unlike a student would consult a prof...

I also CONFIDED in him that throughout high school and college, wordiness and tense commitment were my most difficult areas.

So, not to change the subject, but did anybody actually READ my friggin post tonight?

Jeez, Velociman coming all up in here and stealing my show...

Posted by: Key at December 21, 2004 09:56 PM


I ALWAYS read your posts. I thought you covered all the bases and made your point very succinctly in a concise and clear manner. Therefore, nothing further was needed from me.

I was just curious.


Posted by: Christina at December 21, 2004 10:17 PM

Thanks, Christina!

I was really only trying to give Velociman hell. (Not that Rob doesn't deserve a share for his vacuum sex comment...)

Posted by: Key at December 21, 2004 10:24 PM

Women are so damn hard to please, I guess hiding a diamond ring in the wrapped up set of pots and pans wouldn't help.

Posted by: James Old Guy at December 22, 2004 08:51 AM

I learned the lesson of the gifts long before I got married...

Gee, you give Velociman a full critique of his chapter and all I got was a "nicely done"? I'm devastated...

Posted by: Jack at December 22, 2004 10:32 AM

I would never dream of getting my lovely spouse a vacuum, or pots & pans for Christmas. Since I know she loves the outdoors, I got her a new lawn mower and weed-eater. Boy, is she gonna be surprised!

Posted by: Dash at December 22, 2004 10:35 AM

Key, that last comment was wordy. And the tense was shameful.

Posted by: Velociman at December 22, 2004 10:40 AM

Hey Key,

You've got some flirting going on here.

Good for you!!!

Blind Sam

Posted by: Sam at December 22, 2004 05:55 PM
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