Observations by Key Monroe~~Home of Right Opinions, Cynical Viewpoints, and TMI in Hefty Doses
|E-mail: keymonroe [at] alltel [dot] net

January 08, 2005

So A Duck Walks Into A Bar...

...sits down at the barstool, and waits for the bartender.

The bartender walks up, hands the duck a menu, waits a while, and comes back to take his order. "What'll it be?" the bartender says.

The duck says, "I think I'll have the grapes." "Well, I'm sorry sir, but this is a bar, we don't serve grapes here. Now, I'll let you look a bit longer and wave when you know what you want."

The duck looks at the menu, then waves the bartender down. "Ok, you got your order?" The duck nods, saying, "I'll think I'll have the grapes."

The bartender, kind of peeved from the duck, says, "Look Mac, we don't have any grapes here. This is a bar. We don't serve grapes, so what will you have?!"

The duck looks at him in the eyes and says, "I'll have the grapes."

The bartender, enraged, shouts, "If you ask for the grapes one more time I'm going to nail your feathered ass to the barstool!!"

The bartender cools off a bit. "Now what will you get?!" "Got any nails?" "OF COURSE WE DON'T HAVE ANY NAILS! WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS? AN APPLIANCE STORE?"

"Good, got any grapes?"

Source: My Fun Portal

...Heh, stupid, but made me laugh. Levity is a wonderful thing, no?
One more...

Three mice were sitting in a bar talking about how tough they were.
The first mouse slams a shot and says, "I play with mouse traps for fun. I'll run into one on purpose and as it is closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it twenty or thirty times." And with that he slams another shot.

The second mouse slams a shot and says, "That's nothing. I take those Decon tablets, cut them up and snort them just for the fun of it."

And with that he slams another shot.

The third mouse slams a shot, gets up and walks away. The first two mice look at each other, and then turn to the third mouse and ask, "Where the hell are you going?"

The third mouse stops and replies, "I'm going home to fuck the cat."

posted by Key on 09:13 PM | Comments (9)

I am so relieved. I thought you were going to say the third mouse was going to fuck Velociman, and I don't do inter-species stuff. Except for the errant goat, of course.

Posted by: Velociman at January 8, 2005 09:45 PM

And I suppose he didn't have any money to pay for those grapes either. He probably thought they would just put it on his bill. I can't believe I just said that. Sorry.

Posted by: Dash at January 8, 2005 09:57 PM

Hell, Dash. Why are YOU apologizing? I'm the one in the Keyhouse. Going interspecies on someone else's site. Unforgivable.

Posted by: Velociman at January 8, 2005 10:26 PM

You boys ain't right!!!

Posted by: Sam at January 8, 2005 11:15 PM

Heh, put it on his bill...

(I'm going to hide my cat from Velociman.)

Posted by: Key at January 8, 2005 11:19 PM

Hell, I always thought the Keyhouse was a good place. But, I'd keep you away from the cats, too. (Not to mention the ducks, mice, sheep, gerbils, wildebeast, otters...)

Posted by: Dash at January 8, 2005 11:30 PM

I'm starting to worry about my fish.

Posted by: Moogie at January 9, 2005 09:12 AM

Damn. I'm not smart enought to understand the grape joke. Can I buy a clue, Key?

Posted by: david at January 11, 2005 12:03 AM

Heh. Okay, but it's not as much fun this way. ; )

Without nails, the bartender can't exactly make good on his promise, so the duck gets to keep asking...

Hey, it's not exactly awe-inspiring, but made me laugh the first, second, AND third time I read it! (I think I was envisioning the AFLAC duck.)

Posted by: Key at January 12, 2005 01:39 PM
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