Observations by Key Monroe~~Home of Right Opinions, Cynical Viewpoints, and TMI in Hefty Doses
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January 12, 2005

Divorce Saves Lives

Seriously. It does.

While I do not believe that matrimony should be a revolving door, I am grateful that I live in an age where divorce is at least an option. This appreciation was particularly driven home after I watched a special on the evolution of poison last week.

Back in the days of the Roman food tester, there lived several reasons for their employment. They were poison assassins for hire. And while any ranking official kept his guard up at all times, these assassins mostly specialized in the service of spouse removal.

Over the years, of course, poison became readily available and the assassins were out of a job. Wife and mistress one day, wife under the house and cruise with the mistress the next. Divorce was just not done. Desperate times called for desperate measures...

Even given the fine-tuning of forensics these days providing an additional deterrent, I believe the stats would none-the-less be quite different had divorce not evolved into a more viable option. It is criticized for becoming commonplace, and this is true. It has, and that is regrettable. But had it not, I fear that not only would more people be married right about now, more people would also be dead.

Matrimony is dangerous. Why isn't there a mandatory waiting period on purchasing a marriage license? (And I don't mean 72 hours.)

posted by Key on 05:37 PM | Comments (16)
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Are divorce and murder the only two options? What ever happened to good-old fashioned abandonment? That's as American as MacDonald's apple pie thingies.

Posted by: Velociman at January 12, 2005 09:41 PM

Well, I aint never been made enough at her to want to kill her, but I'm certain, I may have been wished "vanquished" somewhere along the way. As for the waitin' period... I think you gotta just do it... Even though I didn't get married to get divorced, it doesn't mean it won't happen. I don't want it too, but if it does, I won't be the first it's happened to. If that does become the case, then the "One and Done" that Vman writes about tonight would have yet another meaning, now wouldn't it?

Posted by: RedNeck at January 12, 2005 11:39 PM

I will go with the mandatory waiting period and would also propose a two marriage limit in a life time.

Posted by: James Old Guy at January 13, 2005 08:11 AM

Marriage has become the only contract in the country that one party can repudiate without the consent of the other party and actually be SUPPORTED in a court of law. That's wrong.

Try the same thing with a debt you owe. Go to court and say, "I'm tired of making these payments and I want out of this contract. I want to keep all the stuff I bought, but I don't want to pay for it."

THAT won't work. But "I want a divorce" will.

Posted by: Acidman at January 13, 2005 08:58 AM

Rob, watch the poison special, then tell me that you want to FORCE someone to stay with you once they have it in their head they don't want to be there.

I'd rather let someone out of their contract than end up rotting under the house.

Posted by: Key at January 13, 2005 10:33 AM

Ki (the Japanese word for power by the way) --

A marriage is a contract. So is a divorce. Just an undertanding between two entities who share some common interest. Where it gets complicated in the divorce contract is when there are more than two parties involved in the agreement: children.

I've always said that parenting should be licensed. I know... I know... evil government interfering in our lives again. But look... I have to get a license to drive a car. I have to get a license to fly my plane. I have to have a license to be a suretor. All this licensure is in place to protect those third parties.

Now the problem in failed marraiges is not in the sorrows visited on Brad Pitt and his bride. Imagine if they had kids. Unfortunately, the babies get poisoned too. Sort of a vicious cycle, don't you think?

Think about it.


Posted by: Bob Baird at January 13, 2005 11:35 AM

That's why I didn't bring the typical family into this scenario. I'll give you that most "married with childrens" wouldn't KILL just because they felt trapped.

But some would.

And I think kids are better off with two divorced parents than with one in the ground and one in jail. You just can't force people to stay together. If divorce were not an option, more people would be dead. That is my only (admittedly dark) point.

I'm not praising or pooping it really, just saying more people would be dead. It's a stark realization really, and one I thought worthy of sharing, as sometimes we fail to see the obvious.

License to parent? Heh, no, will never happen. But I had to take a three month course, get a blood test, and get finger-printed for a criminal background check before I could be approved to foster the children of those without a friggin clue.

I didn't mind though. It's my bandaid on the gusher.

Posted by: Key at January 13, 2005 01:26 PM

I dunno... either divorce or poison seems like a stretch to me. I see SOME middle ground.

Posted by: Acidman at January 13, 2005 02:04 PM

Middle ground has been done. I'm discussing extremes here.

Posted by: Key at January 13, 2005 02:57 PM

And just where might that middle ground be, Rob? If someone wants out of a marriage, they want OUT. By that time, the instigator of the divorce has had plenty of time to justify this action for whatever reasons. No amount of begging, pleading, whining, cajoling, anger, lashing, vitriol or threats will do anything but make it worse.

You have a son to think of...try to make things as easy for him as possible.

Cease hostilities with ex-wife. Unless she is a total bitch, the results might surprise you.

This from one that has been there...take it for what it's worth.

Posted by: Wayne at January 13, 2005 03:24 PM

I dunno...I still think the whole kill scenario is a bit harsh. I would think more people would be living ALONE...vs killing the spouse.

Posted by: Moogie at January 13, 2005 03:51 PM

Hmmm, thinking like Velociman huh? Okay, maybe that too. So without divorce as an option, we have dead people AND we have folks taking off and shacking up elsewhere.


Doesn't anybody like the waiting period for marriage?

Posted by: Key at January 13, 2005 04:20 PM

Starry-eyed idiots do NOT want to wait. They are quite sure that God, fate and the magnetic flux of the Earth's core have willed them to live forever as true soulmates...horseshit.

I'll guarantee that, were they forced to live apart for a year, 98% would find another "soulmate".

Wisdom imparted from atop the tallest ridge in East Tennessee...so be it.

Posted by: Wayne at January 13, 2005 04:44 PM

Who said anything about shacking up? I was just talking about running away from home.

Posted by: Velociman at January 13, 2005 05:48 PM

Forgive me, the cynic in me assumed the next step. I'm sure you'd be headed straight to the monastery.

Posted by: Key at January 13, 2005 05:52 PM

For absolute proof of the fact that "Divorce Saves Lives", check out this fabulous short-short story "The Chaser" by John Collier at


Posted by: MrJimm at January 17, 2005 11:16 AM
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