Key Issues

I happen to know Barbara Billingsley from our work together on Muppet Babies (I was Animal):

I would posit:

Skimpy lingerie? Aye. She wears a ton of it still, and not too badly.

Contraceptives? Nay. At least not in my case, however I do believe Babs's field was productively plowed for the last time about 1969.

Lubrication? Oy. Tons and tons. Astroglide being something of a mantra. Poor thing.

Cuffs, hard core, key only: A gentleman here. Barbara would be repulsed. No comment.

Body paint: I once painted her Beaver a beautiful shade of Wally. She seemed appreciative.

Whips, chains: Sadly, I saw the Haskell boy submit to those things in reformatory school. He came out a better man. Not saying much.

Anal beads: no comment, other than I can be reached at velocimanneedsdiscipline.com

And now I shall be banned.

It sounds like you had my kind of evening.

She was obviously referring to the trapeze above the bed and the trampoline at the foot of the bed. Some folks are so naive. Heh.

I lost all respect for June when she did Lumpy in the linen closet while Ward was at work. And anal beads WERE involved.

I never quite know what to expect when I stop by...

; )

.. you just took "unmentionables" to a whole new level...

Ward was an animal in bed. But sometimes he would go overboard, and June would get up the next morning barely able to walk.

She hated that, and had a rule. One good turn deserves another.

Whenever you hear the the words, "Ward, I think you were a little rough on the Beaver last night", that was the clue.

She was packing the strap-on.