Observations by Key Monroe~~Home of Right Opinions, Cynical Viewpoints, and TMI in Hefty Doses
|E-mail: keymonroe [at] alltel [dot] net

March 30, 2005

Plant Killer

That would be me. Outdoor, I can handle. Indoor, not so much.

But I have this shelf in the window sill above my kitchen sink that is clearly a plant shelf. So, I attempt to keep three plants alive, each one becoming its own miracle for every day that it survives in my care.

The first is a variegated, leafy, viny thing that I'm too lazy to google. But it is the baby of a friend and excoworker's plant, who frequents this blog, but refuses to comment. (I'm sure it's killing him not to leave the name of the plant in the comments.) Anyway, this little miracle has survived about three years so far.

Next is my aloe. Love my aloe. It is the spawn of my mother's chubby aloe plant, and it is thriving to the point that it needs to be separated and repotted.

Last but not least is the baby of the group, my little cactus. It is one year and three months old. Miss Priss and I picked it out together. Unkillable I was hoping...it is a tiny thing with a prickly, red, rounded head and green stalk.

Why am I blogging about my boring plants, you ask? Because the baby is sick! Now. I ask you, green thumbers, how does an indoor plant get sick? There's no other little snot-nosed plants hanging around to contaminate it, and I water it as occasionally as I ever have.

So what up with these ugly black spots all over its pretty red head?

posted by Key on 07:54 PM | Comments (8)
» Velociworld links with: The Taste of Aloe
» Moogies World links with: Aloe plant question

Beer for hydration, cigarette ash for food. Works wonders. Oh, and Miracle-Gro for sustenance. I myself am very fond of aloe. You can't hurt it, and it provides so much in return.

Posted by: Velociman at March 30, 2005 08:17 PM

Black spots sounds like a fungus. I think you might have watered it too much... Maybe too much water at once, or someone else watered it when you weren't looking. Otherwise I got nothing. Good luck.

Posted by: caltechgirl at March 30, 2005 08:17 PM

Sing to it. I swear plants like to hear you sing to them. But I also agree with the fungus theory about your venereal-diseased cactus. Try this:

I know you don't smoke, but get some cigarette butts (or whole cigarettes), tear off the filters and steep the tobacco in hot water as if you were making tea. Use a coffee filter or an old foot out of some panty-hose to make your tea-bag.

Take the nicotine water and feed it to your plant every other day for a week. Don't give it too much at once, just enough to wet the soil in the pot, and drip some over the cactus itself.

Trust me. It works on almost anything.

Posted by: Acidman at March 30, 2005 09:46 PM

Acidman is Voodooman? Damn.

I agree with V-man. Cigarette Ash, and don't mix it with anything, except a little aloe syrup. I'm not kidding.

Posted by: Sam at March 30, 2005 10:02 PM

Never forget that Acidman once farmed a half-acre of land and spent a lot of time talking about plant maladies at Webb's Feed and Seed. Nicotine is not only a great insecticide, but a good remedy for fungus, too.

Wanna make a REAL batch of fix-it-all spray?

Take a whole plug of chewing tobaco and make tea out of it. Drink some really rotten beer and piss it out into a quart jar. Add one cup of baby shampoo. Toss in one cup of red pepper, and the vinegar out of some pickled habenero, or use about one-half a bottle of habenero extract.

Mix that disgusting shit together with water at about a 5-parts mix to 20 parts water ratio. Spray it on ALL of your plants. It will either kill or run off everything that is bothering you.

You need to apply a light spray about every two weeks, but if you mix one batch of my recipe, it will last all summer on a half-acre garden.

A little of that stuff goes a long way.

Posted by: Acidman at March 30, 2005 11:52 PM

Just a guess, but based on your description and the fact that you haven't killed it, that first plant is probably a pothos vine. They're nearly indestructible.

Posted by: Desert Cat at March 31, 2005 12:38 AM

Okay, I have been reminded via email that it is a spider plant, and no, it isn't quite as sturdy as the aloe, but then, nothing is... ;)

Acidman, do you REALLY use that mixture on your foliage? I'd be sick if I attempted to mix that, could barely stomach reading it!

Posted by: Key at March 31, 2005 12:50 PM

nicotine juice is definitely the way to go. It kills damn near everything bad and keeps the bugs off the rest. Just don't spray too much of it on anything you want to eat....

Posted by: caltechgirl at March 31, 2005 06:26 PM
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