Observations by Key Monroe~~Home of Right Opinions, Cynical Viewpoints, and TMI in Hefty Doses
|E-mail: keymonroe [at] alltel [dot] net

April 05, 2005

Georgia Pacific Can Kiss My Ass

I have had it with the clawing, begging and beseeching for a few measly inches (of seemingly prized) coarse, thin paper with which to dry my delicate side every time I brave a public restroom.

These contraptions should be used for friggin target practice. The whole lot of 'em.

Note the word "locking" in the description. Oh yeah, these things aren't defective when they do not allow us more than four inches of toilet paper. No, they are defective when they do.

The locking function prevents "waste" and "pilferage."

Yeah... I go to Six Flags or Dave and Busters or Jillian's - where I am pilfered to the tune of three healthy figures - and I'm gonna recoup it in the bathroom, stashing loads of the thin, rough stuff, so I can take it home and wipe my ass raw. That'll show 'em.

Know why you see "waste" all over the floor? Cuz I'm not the only one pissed! Once you get the damn thing to cooperate, you grab handfuls of it, and litter the stall out of spite...as it should be.

I've never seen that happen in a nice, well-kept restroom, with a normal, fully functional dispenser sportin' a roll of Charmin.

posted by Key on 12:54 PM | Comments (10)
ยป Gut Rumbles links with: i've never understood it either
Comments

Very nice post, Key. Keep this up and you are well on your way to becoming an Official Shit Blogger, Wet Fart Corps.

We are having initiation ceremonies at Jekyll, if you're interested.

Posted by: Velociman at April 5, 2005 07:18 PM

I dont see this as an insurmountable problem. By all means inform the management when they've cheaped you out, but carry a packet of tissues in your purse, and maybe some baby wipes as well, and you'll never have to worry.

I don't carry a purse, but I have those items in my jacket pockets.

Posted by: Rivrdog at April 5, 2005 08:24 PM

I confronted one of these things just today... I agree with your frustration. We should require the people that sell and buy these things to use them!

Posted by: Bob at April 5, 2005 08:39 PM

That's one of the good things about being built like a silverback gorilla.

"OOG SMASH"

Voila! Free-rolling TP...

Posted by: Jay G at April 5, 2005 10:34 PM

Locking? Well theoretically yes, but they open quite nicely using the nail file on my pocket knife.

One of our local theaters used to have them, but the bottom baffles keep getting broken off and they fall off the stall wall in a couple pieces when stomped. Not that I ever feel like doing that.

Posted by: The Thomas at April 5, 2005 10:58 PM

Do like the ragheads do, eat with one hand and wipe your ass with the other, Cat.

Posted by: catfish at April 5, 2005 11:26 PM

Between you and Rob, I can't laugh any more! I love to laugh! Vman and the brown tsunami is classic

Posted by: Murry at April 6, 2005 01:28 AM

This is why I carry tissue in the purse.

Posted by: Juliette at April 6, 2005 02:38 AM

That's why they put those paper seat covers in there - back-up devices for when the rolls won't unroll.

Posted by: Suzette at April 6, 2005 06:19 AM

I'm guessing Rivrdog is a fella.

True. This is not an insurmountable problem, but it shouldn't be a damned problem at all.

What the hell do they think that we'll do if they install better tissue and regular dispensers? Spend all friggin night in there T.P.ing the stalls?

Posted by: jmflynny at April 9, 2005 05:08 PM
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