Observations by Key Monroe~~Home of Right Opinions, Cynical Viewpoints, and TMI in Hefty Doses
|E-mail: keymonroe [at] alltel [dot] net

May 31, 2004

A Little Help Here Please...

Would somebody get this bum up offa my sofa and outta my house?

Actually, the man is right. I am painfully neglectful of my dear blog on the weekends.

As for his description of my house...Well, I'll describe, you decide.

Cosmo, huh? Actually I used to pick up a copy during the summertime, as it made decent pool-side reading. But I haven't picked up a copy in a while.

But of course, if there's an article on sex, I am going there first. (I'm not so dorky as to use a highlighter, though.) I will reluctantly admit that once upon a time, I did learn a little something from one of these articles. In fact, my husband (after his recovery) actually questioned me as to where I had learned such techniques. ...ahhh, success. I laughed it off until he said, "No, seriously..."

The man is painfully wrong about the refrigerator. Anyone who would save a Happy Meal needs to have their head examined. McDonald's food expires about ten minutes after it's purchased. (And good luck trying to get the milk to last long enough to expire in my household.)

In the fridge presently is leftover lasagna, apple crumb pie (home-made down to the crust, people...and in a side note, if you don't have one of these, GET ONE!), various juices, milk, beer, oranges, cheeses, and several condiments.

Thank bejus Rob got the toilet paper thing right! If he'd pegged me as the "mounted under" type, that may have been unforgivable. It's gotta be rollin' off the top. I will actually go through the trouble to change it if it isn't. (And my lid cover isn't "frilly." Do I look fru-fru to you? It is a plain black lid cover, and you just do whatcha gotta do to hit the water, 'kay?)

Not bad guesswork regarding the bedroom. I do have candles and scented lotion, but I keep my robe in the closet and my toys in the lingerie drawer.

Hey, I can't be sloppy about that! I don't even want to think about what kind of stammering piss-poor excuse I'd have to come up with if Miss Priss were to lay eyes on Mr. Pink!

(Oh, and uh, what exactly were you doing with Mr. Pink to be running down the batteries? ...Do I need to run him through the dishwasher?)

posted by Key on 08:24 PM | Comments (6)
Comments

Uhhh... you might want to wash "Mr. Pink" before you use him again. I... uh.... dropped him on the floor. Yeah! That's it! I dropped him on the floor.

Posted by: Acidman at June 1, 2004 04:44 PM

Sounds like you're having quite a bit of trouble with a free-loader! tsk tsk maybe the two headed monkey will get him next time!

Posted by: Michele at June 1, 2004 07:19 PM

Steve Buscemi was Mr. Pink in Reservoir Dogs. I'm developing a decidedly bad visual here...

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