Observations by Key Monroe~~Home of Right Opinions, Cynical Viewpoints, and TMI in Hefty Doses
|E-mail: keymonroe [at] alltel [dot] net

August 31, 2004

The Cynical Bitch Within

During daylight hours, as I sit at this Post-it covered desk processing orders, collecting invoices and answering three lines, I seem to have fallen into the all-American habit of worshiping and hoarding every spare moment that I can steal for myself.

Therefore, I don't like to spend a lot of time on the phone unless I'm actually enjoying the conversation. But, hey, business is business. Sooo...for local repeat business, I am supa friendly, flirtaceous enough, and I give them just the right amount of hell to keep them coming back for more. (Yes, that would be my way of building business relationships.)

When the nationwide management companies call to bug the friggin crap outta me check on orders, I am cordial, in fact, usually I even muster some friendliness, as I tell the clueless customer service rep what she needs to enter into the system regarding the file.

When a telemarketer calls, I am cold as ice....if they're lucky. If I have the time, and I feel like being a pain in the ass, I listen to the spiel, dissect the sales pitch, then ask the guy if this is what he planned on doing with his life when he grew up.

While that's rude and even hypocritical, since I'm not exactly doing what I had aspired to become, I think the unsolicited intrusion - glazed with sugar-sweet concern for my existence should I continue to go on without their product - beyond rude.

So, just now the phone rang, I answered, and an incredibly friendly, and way too chipper voice sprang out of the receiver, "Good morning!" he sang, "How are you today?"

About to hang up on you I thought as I said, "Fine. And you?"

"Good, good! I'm doing great!"

Silence. What? Was I supposed to respond to that?

He continues, "Well, the reason I'm calling is because I've heard good things about your company, and I'd like to send over an order."

WHAT? He's sending me business? That's not the way it's supposed to work. If anyone ever in their life sounded as though they wanted to sell me something, this guy did.

"Sure," I replied, as I wondered if he appreciated the surprise in my voice. "Here's my fax number..."

"Thank you so very much!" (There are no words to describe the exuberance in the man's voice.)

....And that was that.

Now, am I cynical bitch or was that guy Canadian?

(I'm afraid it's the former. While the guy was definitely upbeat and polite, he didn't have the accent...)

posted by Key on 04:55 PM | Comments (8)

Did you get the order, eh?

Posted by: Sam at August 31, 2004 06:13 PM

That was me on the phone. It was a...uhhh... CRANK CALL!!!

Get it????

That was a joke, Key. It really wasn't me. Honest. Put down that ashtray... you could KILL somebody if you hit them in the head with that thing. Key?? Key??? PUT DOWN THE ASHTRAY!!!


Posted by: Acidman at September 1, 2004 01:22 AM

I think you may need a vacation. A real vacation, away from work and away from the family so the only person you have to take care of is yourself.

Posted by: Jack at September 1, 2004 06:59 AM

Jack, should I consider France?

Posted by: Key at September 1, 2004 04:10 PM

This weekend at Disney World might be fun.

Posted by: James Old Guy at September 1, 2004 06:07 PM

Well, if you come to France, I have a spare room!

Posted by: Jack at September 1, 2004 08:18 PM

I wouldn't view you as a bitch, I thought you were quite nice when we met. ;o)
Then again, telemarketers do bring out the worst in most people !

Posted by: siso at September 1, 2004 08:44 PM

I feel obliged, as a fellow Canadian, to point out that we don't all have the classic Canadian accent. (And I'm not even sure what that is.)

I say this having been mistaken for an American on countless ccasions. :)

Posted by: Hazel at September 27, 2004 12:15 AM
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