Key Issues

Shrek In The House

I married an ogre.

So the kids got Shrek 2 for Christmas, and they were watching it this morning as I chatted on the phone with my aunt who is in from Baltimore.

A visit to my grandfather's lake house has been mandated, as is usual and customary this time of year when all the aunts and uncles roll in.

Two uncles are pastors, the cousins are scholastically gifted, but logically impaired, they all talk as though they are addressing a two year old, and the collective fashion statement being presented is a bit retro to be kind. (And yes, these would be the folks who force hours worth of home videos upon their family members.)

So, naturally, I told her that I'd be there tomorrow, hung up, groaned, and cautiously delivered the much dreaded news to the husband, who is not above killing the messenger.

This is the good part.

We've reached the part of the Shrek 2 movie where Fiona is being summoned to her parents castle, and Shrek is less than enthused.

And damned if Shrek and my own personal ogre didn't go off simultaneously! I'm not going. Why should I? That's YOUR family! I don't WANT to go! Forget it!

Heh.

I looked at the screen, then looked at him, and I couldn't help but laugh despite his ogre-ish expression.

"I married Shrek," I informed him, "You're such an ogre!"

"And it's about time you realize that," he shot back with a reluctant grin.

Fine. He wants it. He gots it. He's no longer Mr. Key. His new online handle is Shrek.

I ruled out both Ogre and Grumpy Bastard in favor of that one. I really am too kind, am I not?

(Yeah, so uh, wish me luck with the clashing families tomorrow...)