Key Issues

My Pet Spider

I did not ask for a pet spider, but I got one.

This mentally challenged spider decided that it would be a good idea to live in this cave - aka a rear view mirror - alongside my car.

Initial evidence of the intruder was supplied a few days ago, as I was cocooned in webbing upon attempting to open my car door. The web was spun from the dogwood next to the drive to the driver's door of my over-sized, gas-guzzling SUV.

No spider in sight though. Where'd the little eight-legged freak go? I hate losing sight of the enemy. If I can't lay eyes on him, he could be anywhere. Like...my hair, or worse, bra.

So the next morning, I returned to scene of the crime. Had to. I needed the transportation. But, I took my time in the driveway, fully inspecting the area first. And sure enough, the tenacious beast had built another web in the exact same spot.

It was tragic really. It was a perfectly beautiful, fully-formed web, with the the eight-legged dumbass parked front and center.

Now, I may not like the little nasty creepy-crawly, but I can respect the hard work. And that web was the result of some fine craftsmanship.

Still, I had to go to work. So, I crawled in through the passenger door, put it in reverse, and admittedly intrigued, I watched the web spread until it reached breaking point. Then I paused to see what the devastated and now homeless spider would do.

Three seconds later, the nimble beast had climbed the remains of the ruin and returned to the comforts of the SUV cave. Huh. That's when I realized that the little fucker wasn't homeless after all.

But could he hang on?

Apparently so. Pushing 80mph on a country road didn't shake him.

But would he stay there in waiting all day while I worked? Was he stooopid?

Yar. He was.

I'm guessing he held on for the ride home that day as well, because the next morning, I had another web. Same location. Same craftsmanship.

Unbelievable.

I am happy to report though, that as of today, tenacious spidey has either caught on and given up, or the creature lies decaying in my rear view mirror.