Observations by Key Monroe~~Home of Right Opinions, Cynical Viewpoints, and TMI in Hefty Doses
|E-mail: keymonroe [at] alltel [dot] net

December 23, 2005

Let's Freshify Things

Boy howdy, I hate to see a blog curl up and die due to neglect. And I speak not of Key Issues, but mine own.

Nonetheless, being of sober mind and evil merriment I found the skeleton key to this site in my waistcoat pocket, and thought I would bedevil the owner a bit. Heaven forfend I pollute my own site when the Muse is out whoring around, oblivious to my ministrations.

And so we will speak of the scours. Have you ever been to a 4-H function? Heart, Health, Whatever, Whatever. I forget the last two. Nonetheless, they are Healthy and Wholesome things. I have. Been to 4-H summer camps, and listened to kids talk about birthing mammals, and the suckling word was bandied about.

But let us cut to the chase. I promised you scours, we shall have scours.

When the Senator moved us to the Farm he bought some baby calves, which we would raise. Teach us Responsibility, and where the succulent meats come from. So far, so good. But calves get the scours, a viscious diarrhoea that causes said calf to expunge, at sound barrier velocities, excrement of a most foul nature.

My calf Clyde got the scours (named him after Clyde Barrow, having just seen Bonnie and Clyde at the nickleodeon in Statesboro that summer). Would explode a stream of Grey Poupon out of his rectum reminescent of a World War II flame thrower (aside: what ever happened to flame throwers? The Army phased them out. They're gone. Nothing says I got your number like incineration. But, again, that's just me).

I forget how we treated it. Electrolytes? I'm pretty sure we just let it work its way out.

The point? I do have one. Never ever give me your keys because you have a vacation coming up. And then forget I have them. I'm on eternal holiday. I have nothing but mischief up my sleeve. And if I were a betting man I would reckon this is my last post here. Just surmising.

posted by Velociman on 07:30 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)

I'll take that bet, bro.

Grey Poupon. Classic V-Man.

- D

Posted by: Donnie at December 23, 2005 08:27 PM

Re: Flamethrowers

Methinks that using a device to incinerate terrorists would offend the fragile sensitivities of those who apparently have forgotten that terrorists incinerated a couple thousand Americans in 2001.

Posted by: Jim - PRS at December 24, 2005 10:42 PM

... I have seen these scours you talk of first hand... nasty stuff, indeed.... that said, this post could have been much, much worse...

Posted by: Eric at December 25, 2005 08:15 AM

Yeah, that's nice. Shitblogging for Christmas. Animal shitblogging for Christmas.

Damn, but I love da Bloggy-Sphere!

Posted by: Elisson at December 25, 2005 08:55 AM

Do reindeer calves suffer from this, too? Between this post and Catfish's "leakage" post, I'm never gonna think of Rudolf The Rednosed Reindeer in quite the same fashion.

Posted by: zonker at December 27, 2005 11:43 AM

Organic flame throwers, lackin' only a spark.

I am suprised that you did not make an attempt.

Posted by: RedNeck at December 28, 2005 06:26 PM
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