Observations by Key Monroe~~Home of Right Opinions, Cynical Viewpoints, and TMI in Hefty Doses
|E-mail: keymonroe [at] alltel [dot] net

May 05, 2004

Dear Spammers,

Thank you so much for the overwhelming concern you have shown regarding the length of my anatomy.

Believe it or not, none of my family or friends have taken the time or condsideration to even inquire as to the wellbeing of such appendages.

Yet, I open my mailbox, and every day I see the words of yet another poor, misguided, marketing department reject, who has taken the time out of his or her pitiful life to introduce me to a product that could change mine.

I am touched in a special place.

I'm sure that you will be relieved to hear that I am satisfied with my genetalia, and will not be needing your mystery meat in a bottle.

But I am very interested in your study. Would you mind sending over the demographics on your targeted audience? I'm curious to see exactly who is demanding these prono mutant ninja shlongs.

Maybe I can devote some of my time and energy into this friction relign business.

I'm thinking China shrink cream. That's it. It'll be mass produced, and it will be used deep and wide, narrowing the gap between your profit margins and mine.

And then soon... very, very soon, we will have no use - NO USE AT ALL - for the long dongs...

No, you'll be gone. Gone I tell you! Out of business... AaaHAhaha!

Perhaps you can take your product, and use it to plug your anal leaking ass!


Oh, but, uh, thanks again for your concern. Good luck to you in your endeavors.

Key Monroe

posted by Key on 03:23 AM | Comments (8)
ยป The Brier Patch links with: Too Much Banana

I actually do have a penis, a rather small one at that, but fairly average for my particular species, and yet, I am likewise satisfied with my genitalia. What I am dissatisfied with is the amount of cheese I find on a daily basis. I wonder why I do not get any SPAM about where to find more cheese?

Posted by: Mr Mouse at May 5, 2004 05:06 AM

Hey somebody moved my cheese! Maybe you're finding my cheese.

What's so amusing is their pathetic attempts to get past spam filters with all the nuemonic spellings and so forth. Do they actually expect that ANYONE will respond to this shit? I think the only people making money are the assholes who sell the mailing lists to these losers.

I mean if there really was a pill that made your dick bigger don't you'd know I'd have tried it already and wrote an article for the Wall Street Journal for christ sakes? I mean I love "my big 10 inch" but a guy could always use a little extra girth don't you know.

Posted by: Jesse at May 5, 2004 05:46 PM

...I was too tired to be writing last night when I posted this. Obviously, I was just high on spam.

(Excuse the typos. Maybe I'll fix them later...)

Posted by: Key at May 5, 2004 07:44 PM

Hey, could you forward that big penis crap to me?

Posted by: Geoffrey at May 5, 2004 10:27 PM

Hey, if you keep the scissors away from the shaft, you might be alright...

Posted by: Key at May 5, 2004 11:23 PM

Dear Key - You might want to look into Mailwasher Pro. Ever since I installed it a year ago, I don't get spammed. It's great,(and no, I have no involvement wit this company), thank you for asking. Kindest regards, Terry

Posted by: Terry Reynolds at May 6, 2004 05:55 PM

It's my hotmail account. I just figured it was the price I paid for a free account; I didn't realize that I could actually "fix" it. : )

Posted by: Key at May 6, 2004 06:30 PM

My favorite artist is Renior,how about you?
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Posted by: handmade painting at May 26, 2008 06:36 AM
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