Key Issues

Painful Moments

We all have little audio triggers which are by far worse than fortified acrylic nails down an old school chalkboard, yes?

For me, it is typically a smoke detector style BEEP-BEEP-BEEP which comes out of an evil alarm clock, and it only drones louder and louder until it becomes a sanity-depriving shrill... unless the right button is pressed thereby quelling the beast.

I can find that button in my sleep, eyes shut, no prob. That is why the alarm is on Shrek's side of the bed. Yes, I will continue to rise an hour before the sun. This I must do. But I do not like it, and I never will, not even when I'm 65 and am looking at a $5 dollar savings on a 5:30am buffet. Screw it. I look forward to my retirement for a reason, and that ain't it.

I honestly wish I could enjoy early am, seriously, I do. But I don't.

However, even given my irrational hatred for my alarm clock, I have found an audio trigger which is nastier even than the overhearing of your roommate blow chunks.

It's the sugary-sweet, hallmark moment, cornball music that comes on at the end of Full House, when everyone is so tearfully SORRY that they were a selfish, spoiled brat, and the audience says AAAAAAAAAAWWWW!

Aaw, how emetic!

And yes, I do feel bitchy as hell for saying so, even as I coax my nauseated stomach down out of my throat.

(From now on, Nick goes OFF after 9.)